About three months ago during one of the most important and stressful times of my life, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. To keep this article short and sweet, I will be writing more about what Crohn’s is and my story with the diagnosis and treatment of the disease at another time. For now, I’d like to take the time to talk about how living with a chronic autoimmune disease has affected my life as student, performer, significant other and just simply as a young adult.
It was April 20, 2016, when I finally received my heartbreaking, but much-needed diagnosis. Crohn’s disease had been affecting my body for over a month before I finally decided to seek medical attention. As a pupil and peer who has always cared about my education and the quality of the work I do, I was becoming very disappointed with myself when I started sleeping through class or even just skipping altogether. I was staying in my room all day and hardly getting out of bed from unexplained exhaustion, which was totally not normal for me. Now that I understand my disease and what it does to me, it is totally acceptable that I was not coming to class or getting out of bed; but before then, I was self-loathing and depressed with myself when my professors expressed their concerns for my academics. All in all, I ended up having to withdraw from my semester of school because I was too sick to continue.
Now that I have had an operation and started treatment for my disease, I am growing stronger and preparing myself to return to school in the fall. Crohn’s disease has caused me to have to live off-campus on my own as well as only attend school as a part-time student. I would consider myself an overachiever and I don’t like the idea of doing anything “part time." However, I realize that if I want to be able to attend school full-time and be successful in the future, I have to start back at a slower pace. Because my major requires me to be a performer on stage as well as attend long hours of rehearsals, I am also at risk of not being considered for as many opportunities as my peers because I have had to take so much time off and won't be capable of jumping back into a rigorous schedule. All of these things sadden me to a great degree, but at the same time I am learning that I am a human being first, and I’d like to be able to live and function for as long as possible. If that means that I need to take more time for me and my body and less time at school and on stage then I have to do what I have to do. Being a little selfish never hurt anyone! Plus, these conditions won’t last forever. I will still reach my long term goals. There is just a little change of plans in the short-term goals that come in between.
When it comes to my life outside of school, I don’t think I could have made it through this traumatic experience if it wasn't for my few close friends and my lovely boyfriend. Obviously, my family was helpful and loving when I returned home from school, but for the most part, my boyfriend took care of me during my worst. On a more positive note, Crohn’s disease has helped me realize who my true friends are. A lot of people heard what was wrong with me and suddenly pretended I didn't exist anymore or had some choice words to say behind my back which really hurt. This entire situation brought myself and my boyfriend to an entirely new level of trust and love. Having only been dating for about 2 months when the entire thing erupted, he stood by my side and showed me how to be strong and never stopped supporting me. He showed me what it really meant to love someone and that you don't leave when things get tough. I used to go out on the weekends and party with my friends and have no problem. I could eat whatever I wanted, and never seemed to get tired. Once I finally saw a doctor, I realized that I had to drastically change my lifestyle. My drinking habits have virtually disappeared. My gastroenterologist gave me a detailed diet of no meats or seafood, nothing with spices or seeds, no dairy or lactose, no “gas producing” vegetables and only a few types of fruits and fruit juices. Because of this, I quite often become frustrated when I go out to eat and literally can't order anything on the menu. Sometimes I make the decision to eat what I want and then just pay for it later. I used to have disposable amounts of energy and could get through an entire day with no need for a nap. Suddenly, my whole life just felt off and sluggish and the next thing I knew I couldn't get myself up the stairs to my dorm room. I slept for hours and hours without ever waking up feeling refreshed and my hair even started falling out. Not to mention the fact that I lost 15 pounds and looked as if I had two black eyes because of how exhausted I was.
The hardest part overall of learning that I had Crohn’s disease was accepting the fact that it is chronic and incurable. Because of how rarely people are diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, there are not many medical treatments to choose from and cases are usually severe. I have had people I considered my friends at college say I am faking an illness for attention, that Crohn’s disease is just like a really bad stomach ache and that I’m just lazy. I am still realizing that people really have no idea how much of a negative affect a chronic autoimmune disease can have on you unless you experience it personally. Because of this, I refrain from telling a lot of people about my illness unless I really have to because it’s so hard for people to understand. My life has changed forever, but I wouldn't say it's totally a bad thing. In the end, I know this was meant to happen and I’m just trying to trust God and his plan for me. If you know any young adults who suffer from a chronic illness, try to lift their spirits and support them as much as you can even if you don’t totally understand how they feel. Remind them that God is good, try to make them laugh and constantly remind them you love them. If it wasn't for those constant reminders from my friends, I never would have made it through the storm.
