Everyone, at some point in their lives, has lost a loved one. A grandparent, a parent, an aunt or uncle. Maybe it's a sibling or cousin. A child, or even just a dear friend. Life is not infinite, at some point it ends. Love, I believe, is infinite. It knows no time or reason or distance. And we grieve because of love. So then shouldn't it be ok to grieve for a lifetime?
It isn't always. Many people believe that grief should have a time frame. You should be able to get over what ever loss you suffered. I disagree, wholeheartedly.
This is what I believe to be true about grief. Just like love, grief is infinite. Or perhaps it's because of love that grief is infinite. Either way, grief does not care about how much time has passed. Grief does not care if you rid your home and life of memories of your loss. Grief doesn't care about all your reasons that you should move on. Grief just is.
Grief also changes with time. You may not always feel it with the intensity you once did. There will be days, weeks, maybe even months that you barely notice it. You begin to live your life again. You adjust to a new normal. You figure out how to live and be happy (genuinely happy!) despite the loss of your loved one. That's not to say you've forgotten them, just that you've learned to live again.
Then it hits you, the grief. It knocks the wind right out of you and leaves your heart feeling heavy. Sometimes you can pinpoint a reason - a birthday, a holiday, the anniversary of their death, et cetera. Other times there seems to be no reason for it. It reminds you of just how much you miss your loved one. From what I can tell, those "grief attacks" don't end. Years can go by and every so often grief will still hit you hard.
And that's OK! Don't you dare let anyone tell you otherwise. Grieve for your loved one. Sit with your grief. It doesn't have to be a bad thing. You grieve because you love. So go ahead and miss your loved one. Go ahead and feel sad and miserable that they're gone. Whatever grief is making you feel, allow it.
Grief changes you. It'll change you in ways you never imagined. The affects of grief can be just as colossal as the affects of love is in a person. You may begin to see things in a new light, perhaps even people. Things that were never important to you before are now big deals for you. And, likewise, things that were important at one point may no longer matter. Let your grief change you. There's healing in it.
Grief looks different for every person. Please, don't judge someone because their grief is different than yours. Let them grieve however they need to. Let them know that it's ok, even if it's 10 years down the line.
We grieve because we love. I truly believe that. So be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with others.
