To me, depression and anxiety aren’t diseases. They’re psychological problems and inner demons, always trying to fight their way to your exterior and destroy everything you love and hope for. Living with these two problems makes going out in public a hassle for me. Sometimes I feel up to going out and seeing people. Other times, just having people look at me makes me feel nervous and want to instantly run the other way. Going to a big school caused these feelings to skyrocket and become things that were so difficult, and sometimes almost impossible, to control. All the crowds and people looking at me wanting to strike up a conversation constantly made me nervous; so much so that I wanted to pack up my bags and head home. I went to seek therapy and realized that having them tell me I had depression and anxiety made both even worse, and having them look at me while I spoke about my feelings make me feel so small and fragile that I never went back. For a while I was in a constant loop of needing to go to therapy, but not going because I would be embarrassed to have someone know that I had a problem. One day while I was browsing around on YouTube, I came across a video that really helped me. It was called “What Having Anxiety Feels Like” by Meghan Rienks. For those curious, here's the video:
After watching this video, I really understood that I was playing victim and didn’t want to get help to feel better. I had pushed so many people away, and was afraid I would never have them as close as they were before I began dealing with this. I had a fear of being left behind so much so that I was pushing everyone out of my life so I wouldn’t have to have that fear any longer. After seeing that video, I started talking to my family and friends more, and realized that I wasn’t the only one feeling this way. I realized they were all I needed to escape from that slump I was in for so long. The depression and anxiety began to shrink and now I barely notice it at all. Sure, my anxiety is still bad and I still feel depressed from time to time. But now I don’t live in crippling fear that everyone I know will leave me because of it. I know now that when I feel sad, all I need to do is pray and talk with family and friends, and I begin to feel better. Yes some people don’t want help, but if you do, there are many people you can talk to and many things that helped me and may help you to!
If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, anxiety or any other problem, there are many resources they can come to, to talk to professionals:
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433, 1-800-784-2433, 1-800-273-8255
Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673
Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000
