A dark mind is not a mind that is evil a dark mind is a mind that cannot escape utter somber and find the light peering through the cracks of the subconscious. “Light” is a metaphor I use to describe optimism, positivity, and hope but what if a large shadow of despair consistently blocks the light from shining through? Remaining in the darkness seems to numb the pain or aid contradictory thoughts, being numb is relieving, being numb is addicting. In a way, being depressed is addicting too, because it means that at least I am feeling something. Some people find comfort in this darkness and wallow in the serenity and others try to break through the hard dark shell blocking their own personal sunlight, I am a victim of both these different perspectives.

Depression and anxiety seem to be becoming sort of trends these days, people claiming they are anxious and depressed just to have a reason for their emotions. Other people such as myself, actually experience the treachery and torture of being medically diagnosed with a chemical imbalance in the brain which causes me to have severe depression and anxiety panic disorder. You do not have to be medically diagnosed to relate to the feeling of being trapped inside a dark mind, but for my personal experience, my diagnosis strongly contributed to the discomfort in my mind.

One of the most imperative concepts people have to grasp is that this darkness is not “just all in our heads,” this darkness is a chemical imbalance in the brain, it is a disorder, it is an obstacle we must face. A person who is developed in this deep state of depression does not have to be quiet or disengaged this person is one of your best friends or your sibling who is smiling all day and crying all night. Developing a normal façade to mask the indescribable despair in our brains is easier than attempting to explain the unexplainable.

I do not know exactly why I am depressed. I cannot pinpoint specific reasons that lead to my depression, so how can I explain to you why I feel this way? My mind is full of pessimistic outlooks which I do not control. It is not my fault it is not anyone’s fault it is just the way of life I have succumbed to live. I surrendered to my thoughts and I am a victim of my diagnosis, but I am still alive, I am living and I do have hope for the future.