When I was thirteen, I started feeling extreme dizziness. I ended up in the nurse’s office at school constantly. One day, my mom decided the constant vertigo was too abnormal and, finally, took me to the doctor. I went through a long period of tests before I was finally diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Disease (I just had a flashback to the shame of wearing a heart monitor to school). Dizziness, along with lethargy, weight fluctuation, depression, and anxiety, are a few of the many symptoms of thyroid disease. The disease is likely genetic as most people with Hashimoto’s have family members who have thyroid disease or other autoimmune diseases.
With this type of thyroid disease, I fluctuate between both hyperthyroidism—which is when the thyroid produces more thyroid hormones than your body—and hypothyroidism—which is when the thyroid produces less than your body needs. I tend to remain in a “hypo” state. Eventually, my Hashimoto’s will resolve itself completely to hypothyroidism.
When my thyroid is imbalanced, my hands are cold, I’m irritable, I’m overweight, and I am always tired. It is so completely unfair because, although I want to sleep 24/7, when I do finally get into bed at night, I am unable to fall asleep. Then the insomnia adds to the exhaustion the next day, and the cycle begins again. Try going into class and trying to concentrate while you’re in a brain fog.
The burden of anxiety weighs even heavier than I feel physically. Because mental illness isn’t as tangible as other illnesses, it’s usually impossible to explain to my friends that, “No, it’s not that I don’t like going out. I just physically and emotionally can’t leave my house today.”
For me, the emotional side of having a disease is more difficult than the physical side. I feel like I am drowning. Everything is overwhelming.
One of the worst memories I have is sitting in a doctor’s office at fourteen years old and having to listen to the doctor tell me that if I’m not careful with my health, I probably won’t be able to have children. How was I expected to think about that when I was still a child myself?
The tricky thing about Hashimoto’s disease is that it doesn’t always show up in blood work. You can feel that something is wrong, but the doctors can’t see it and will write you off as a hypochondriac or just having a bad day. Luckily, I was diagnosed and put on a medication which regulates my thyroid. If you find yourself experiencing any of these symptoms, I highly urge you to speak to a doctor about Hashimoto’s Disease. (And if you are diagnosed, don’t do what I did and not take your medication for five years. That was a terrible time. But that’s also another story.)
Recently, I have made a decision to research new lifestyle choices for myself. I am writing and sharing this article in the hopes that being public with this I will keep me accountable and also reach someone else who struggles with the same illnesses that I do.
