Living with depression and anxiety takes a toll on a person in every way possible. When I was in 11th grade, I was diagnosed with chronic depression and anxiety, I was sent to therapy and put on an SSRI. Before getting diagnosed, it took me a while to realize that the feelings that I had were not normal and that I should not have to fight with myself every day as to whether or not I actually want to get out of my bed and start the day. I cannot tell you how many times that year I was "sick" and skipped school because getting out of my bed was completely out of the question. I also cannot count how many times I felt anxious about not going to school, because I knew that I was missing something important. Depression and anxiety were fighting a war in my head and I started to reach my breaking point.

Living with depression and anxiety is something that so many people deal with. The symptoms and consequences are different for every person. When I first started dealing with the issue at hand, I was convinced that one day I would wake up and it would just be gone. Man, was I wrong. Even with therapy and medicine, I was constantly having to rationalize in my mind that the pessimistic and irrational thoughts were not healthy. My need for control was getting out of hand and my friendships were hanging on by a thread. I felt completely alone and like there was no one who would ever understand. My spontaneous breakdowns were becoming more frequent and I began to isolate myself from everything. I even stopped dancing because I felt like I just was not good enough to continue on for my senior year. However, when all of those feelings lead to selfharm, that was my rock bottom.

Now, here I am, three years later and still dealing with the same problems, but in a different way. After two years of therapy and taking just the right amount of medicine, I almost feel normal, but not quite. To me, normal is going through an entire day without crying over something that someone said that might have hurt my feelings. Normal is rationalizing in my head that just because someone hasn't replied back to my message from an hour ago, they aren't mad at me. It's telling myself that I am a lot better and healthier than I was before and that one day I will learn how to deal with the nervous feelings and random spells of sadness. It's teaching myself how to not have a panic attack whenever I am alone. Normal is making sure that I am not purposely making myself sad or constantly complaining about life to my friends who are probably sick of it. Most of all, normal is simply making it through each and every day. Please, don't think that I am a basket case and that I live my life telling myself these things every moment of every day. Sometimes there are days where I have to actively tell myself these things when I should be participating in everyday life, but, eventually, the skills become subconscious.

I know that this sounds dramatic to most people, but to people who actually struggle with this every day, it's their reality. I have come a really long way from where I first started and sometimes that's all that I need to think about when I need reassurance. The best medicine for me was finding people who actually understood me and who didn't think that I was crazy. Not everyone will understand what it feels like to have depression and anxiety, but all that matters is that they will listen to you when you need to vent and get out all of your emotions. It is really important to have a support system and people who you go to when you feel sad and anxious. The best advice that I can give to anyone who has depression and anxiety, or who thinks that they might have it, is to not wait to get it checked out until it is almost too late. Living life with depression and anxiety won't define you if you refuse to let it.

It's OK to ask for help. It does not make you crazy, it makes you smart.