A rainy day during Spring Break is the perfect time to sit down, relax, and write. A good time to clear your head and take some off time and look at things, and where they've been and where they're at, and perhaps where they are heading. To take some off time to follow a strand of ingenious thought hidden somewhere within an oscillation in our brains, a crevice leading down it's own unique set of train tracks, down a clickety elevator shaft clacking after every floor it descends, leading to underground layers deep within the mine of random access memories that makes up our mind. Follow it down, to see where your thoughts want to take you on this fine day, like so many before it. Maybe in the process, you might even start to figure out where things are going. Sometimes it is hard to tell these days.
Like where's my life heading? Who knows? Not me. Don't ask me what I'll be doing in five years, at this point your most random inkling is as good as my most educated guess. It seems that that day in preschool when we were asked what we wanted to be when we grew up they forgot to tell us that once we "grew up" we'd be just as clueless.
Someone once said that the mark of a wise man is that he realizes that he knows nothing, and well, it seems that college might've turned me into the wisest of them all. Seriously though, what a ride it's been. Hard to believe we're less than one year in. From the sly lawyer, to the lofty sermon-making politician, to the sophisticated French poet, to the nutcase film director, to the ultimate frat bro, to the quick-witted entrepreneur, to the surfer dude who lives to shred, to the journalist-critic who hates on everything; I've played about as many roles as I have fingers in my hands in my limited time here. To say the least, it's been an interesting year.
And yet, all the questions that we were here to answer, all the parts of ourselves that we were here to define; they remain shrouded in uncertainty. Ambiguous, volatile uncertainty. It follows us around, like a dark silk cloak veiling our eyes, allowing us to see some, but never enough. Can it be that life is uncertain by nature or is it that life can be uncertain at times?
Might as well take it in I guess. We were never meant to know all the answers, or have everything figured out, for if we did, what would be the point?
No, we have to roll it on the daily. Roll the dice, and see what it falls on and play with it and carry on. Yes carry on, and play with it and see what it falls on, but most importantly— roll the dice. Dare. We are the players. Never in control of the game, but always in control of our own stake. Life. Don't forget that, or take it for granted and run it down until it means nothing, until you find yourself as diluted from being overconfident in your own self-belief as you would be diluted if you possessed none at all.
No. Find that balance, that cherished middle ground, between the sun that burned Icarus's wings off, and the waters down below where he drowned. Extremes were never good, but if you learn to tend the fire, you won't burn, and you'll find comfort on those long dark and cold winter nights. Find the balance, and live it out, humbly, greatly. Forget the stage, forget anyone is watching; live it out as you would by yourself, as only you can. You are immensely privileged to be on this Earth, and to have what you have, so don't take it for granted. But don't let its weight break your shoulders either. Laugh with it, let it make you stronger, for only when you laugh at yourself can you know who you truly are.
Be appreciative, but not indebted; be confident, but not conceited. Dance on the edge, brilliant masterful dancing on the edge of madness, but never fall in. Ever stand strong. And ever move forward. With ease and grace, sometimes; with clumsiness and pain whenever necessary.
Be free, be a kindred spirit, be a force to be reckoned and don't bow down to anyone, but know how to let go of a lost cause. Know how to lose, to take a punch, to fall down, to be spat on, but ever have a smile on your face, ever keep your head held high, ever keep that dignity pure.
It's not about how bad you want it or about how much you're willing to sacrifice for it, but about how well you know yourself. I once heard that he who wins is not he who's still standing at the end, but he who kept his dignity.
Now don't confuse dignity with its ever conniving twin, pride. Pride stings, pride bites, pride talks a lot but has little to show for itself. It is the extrovert, it is the flashy one, it is the life of the party. But the party's shallow, and it's impact falls short. It might've been great fun, but it changed little, and it will soon be forgotten. Yes pride is the passerby, but dignity is forever. Keep it pure. Don't lose that which you can't recover, but also know not to recover that which should've never been found in the first place.
Be here for a good time or for a long time or for whatever you feel like being here for, but be here, and be you. It'll all be done too fast anyways, so make the best out of it, and remember to have fun.
