It's one of my biggest secrets and it's also one of the only things that embarrasses me about myself. I have social anxiety. I'm also an extrovert, and yes, the two can be paired together. People like me are just a rare breed, I like to think. And no, I'm not just "shy."

Growing up, I was never "the quiet kid" or anything of that nature. I'm not sure what happened in my life that made me to where I become anxious in crowds of people that I don't know, but something did. And it's terrifying.

So, what is life as an extroverted socially anxious person like? It's a mix of a few things. In social situations, every part of me wants to walk up to someone new and strike up a conversation about anything-- the weather, food, people, literally anything. But then something happens inside of me that almost paralyses me to where I can't even open my mouth to speak no matter how much I want. I break out in a slight sweat and my heart races like something you'd see on Nascar. I'm constantly torn between what my heart wants to do and what my mind limits me to doing.

I've come to be comfortable in my own little box that consists of a few close friends, my boyfriend, and my cat. I know this box hinders me from literally "living outside the box" the way my heart wants to, but I can't break free of it. No matter how claustrophobic it becomes, I still can't leave. And even if I do for a split second and respond to the hostess that said, "Enjoy your meal!," my response was a nervous, "Thanks, you too!" I panic every time I am invited to something, if I have to text one of my content creators and ask why their article is late, if I have to talk to the cashier, or even someone who is walking their dog.

My anxiety is not fake just because you haven't witnessed it. I've become very good at hiding the things I feel, especially when I'm as embarrassed about them as I am with my anxiety.

Thank you to my friends for never making me anxious. Thank you for understanding my awkwardness and my extroverted-socially-anxious self.