Serious relationships can take a huge toll on you. For months or years on end you have a perfect idea of what the future holds. Of course, many times these relationships end and then life gets weird. After some time of solidarity and coping there many things you should remember as you being to move forward. Here are a few:
1. These things happen.
This is all a part of life. Change really is inevitable. Sometimes it's a change in someone else's feelings or a change in yourself. Either way remind yourself that there is life after this.
2. Give yourself time to recover.
It doesn't matter if you had your heart broken or you ended it on your terms, you need time. You are cutting yourself short by jumping to the next thing in your path. Relationships are a part of you. Within them you find out a lot about yourself. Most importantly you realize the things that are most important to you.
3. Healing is not simple, even though we wish it was.
Don't convince yourself that after two weeks you should be fine. That's not true. This person was probably one of the only consistent aspects of your young life. It's completely cool to just have a weird moment where you get upset or down about it. No one around you expects you to bounce back like it was nothing.
4. Look back with positivity then put it to the future.
It can be really easy to get wrapped up in tearing down the person you used to be with. Don't fall into this trap. You, at one time or another, wanted/needed that person in your life. To act as is they meant nothing to you or that they were worse than they were only prolongs the moving on process. Be honest with yourself and face the fact that it may not have been flaws in their character, though it may have been, but simply that you weren't meant to last forever.
5. Find your identity.
There are many lessons to be learned from the end of a serious relationship. The biggest one that could be argued is that the end if a new beginning for you. Think about the reasons why it didn't work. See what you place most value on in your life. Stick with these things. These make you who you truly are. If you let them go to please another person the relationship will fall apart again.
6. Forgive them.
This is the hardest part of all. So much time and effort is put forward to another person and in an instant it's gone. And you're hurt. You need to cry. You need to be pissed. You need to be incredibly angry. You need to move on. This is a temporary pain. If anything, you should thank the person for showing you that this was not the right relationship. Forgiving them will of course take time and effort.
Talk with a friend, family or God and figure out how to take the next step. There is a quote that says "To forgive is to set a prisoner free and to realize that the prisoner was you." Set yourself free. You don't have to forget what happened but forgive them for your own sake and work towards happiness again.
7. Forgive yourself.
I don't know a single person who wants to break another persons heart. Unless you're a complete psychopath we all have the ability to feel compassion. At the same time it is essential to be honest with yourself. If you find yourself in a long relationship that simply isn't working do not ignore it. We are taught to put others before ourselves; this is valiant and beautiful but can be detrimental.
Knowing that your feelings have changed puts a lot of stress on you. You begin to feel guilty. You made promises with that person that you know you can no longer keep. As much as it sucks, this is something you must handle. Don't think about their family's reactions, how their friends will treat you or what anyone else will say. What actually truly matters is how you feel. The longer you hold on to something that isn't good for you, the harder it is to let go.
8. Don't build up too many walls.
Yeah, you should definitely be cautious with any future relationships but don't cut yourself off to the idea of someone new. If you feel ready then take baby steps. Think of it this way: use a filter and not a wall. As you begin to see someone new slowly open yourself to them but don't tell them your entire life story. Remember this is someone new. They are not your ex. They are just as nervous as you are! Enjoy the small things that happen early in the relationships. Keep the lessons you learned from before.
9. Following your gut.
If at any point there are red flags flying in the air prevent yourself from the pain of previous issues. Remember what you need in a relationships. Don't settle. Seek the person that makes you a better person.
10. Accept the future.
The future should be exciting! If you haven't moved on yet just think about the possibilities ahead. Someone out there is made just for you. You have a lifetime to meet the perfect person. You know what a relationship is like. There is no need to pressure yourself into being ready so soon.
All in all let your past relationships teach you as many lessons as possible. It's okay to need time, to be upset and confused. This is the time to learn more about you and what you need in the next relationship. You will always love that person but you can love people without being with them. Keep your head up! Relationships are only one small part of an even more beautiful and extravagant life. The right things will come when they are supposed to.
