Disclaimer:

I did not write this post for anyone to read and then feel “better” about their singleness. This was not written to glorify singleness, but to glorify Christ in ALL relationships. These are simply my thoughts, so do not read this for absolute truth. Throughout the years, I’ve heard everything under the sun about biblical relationships. However, Satan has creeped lies into my heart and the hearts of friends around me. I’ve felt compelled to speak truth into those lies.

1. There must be something wrong with me.

I really hate to admit this, but there have been times when I felt like I wasn’t “good enough” to be in a relationship.

I’ve thought, “Maybe there’s something God wants to sanctify in me before I jump into a relationship. Surely once I confess more sin, surrender more of my heart, do more good things for Him, then He’ll see that I am ready.”

Having this mindset screams of self-righteousness. And what’s the purpose of this self-righteousness? To gain a relationship that I think will actually satisfy?

The purpose of Christ’s sanctification in our lives is not to prepare us for a relationship, but to bring Him more glory.

He is glorified when He molds us more into His likeness, His image. Christ does not need a guy to come into my life to draw me closer to Himself. No, His love is what brings me to my knees in awe of Him.

Now, He certainly purposes godly relationships and institutes godly marriages. But all too often, we wish to be in a season the Lord has not called us to yet. In every single season, the Lord is ALWAYS sanctifying us. So whether we are single or married, the process of becoming more like Christ is continual.

2. I’m just not ready for a relationship

I’ve often thought:

“I guess God doesn’t think I’m ready for a relationship”. “Why is He holding this back from me?”

These are lies from Satan; he wants us to think WE are the ones who control God’s actions. But God is not limited to our performance, or what we think to be “ready”.

I think being “ready” means surrendering every single part of our lives to whatever God calls us to in every season. This includes our relationships. When we no longer hold on to this part of our lives, we are ready to wholeheartedly serve the Lord in our current season of life.

3. Marriage is my “point of arrival”.

We’ve all had the thought: “Once I’m married, I’ll do ____, or I’ll be _____.” You fill in the blanks.

Hear me out, there are certain things that only fit in those blanks if you are married. But marriage is not a point of arrival. In fact, marriage is just the beginning of a beautiful covenant between your spouse and the Lord.

Even in marriage, we are still called to surrender every part of our lives, our marriage included.

There are amazing things that I know the Lord will only be able to do in my life when I am married. It’s a new chapter of life, a new season, not a grand finale.

But truth be told, our arrival is Heaven. Anything or anyone this side of Heaven is temporary. If we could focus on building the Kingdom, single or married, we would find joy and satisfaction in the glory we bring our Savior.

4. I will finally feel secure in myself once I have a partner to “complete” me.

One broken human + another broken human does not = completeness.

If you aren’t secure in the Lord before you get into a relationship, you will not find more security in another person.

My identity is in Christ alone. If I try to seek identity in someone/something other than Christ, I will NEVER be satisfied.

People will fail. Even the closest of friends will let you down. However, through the ugliest of breakups, the toughest of marriage bumps, He is the Rock that is secure, that holds us in His hands, that fills the holes in our hearts with His perfect love.

We are complete in Him.