Dear Valentine's Day,
In fifth grade, I gave a boy my first Valentine. I never even saw him read it.
In middle school, I was plagued by the desire for a boyfriend. It was the "in" thing to do, and I wanted to be like my sister. She had a boyfriend then, and I wanted one too. I didn't want to be alone on the day, sending myself cards through the school just so it looked like someone actually liked me.
In high school, I thought things were going to be different. My first relationship occurred after Valentine's Day and didn't even last a month. My second celebrated a year, and at the time, I thought the Valentine's Day was great. Now looking back on it, though, it was so devoid of actual affection. I hadn't realized how little he'd cared for me. I spent the last two Valentine's Days alone on purpose, refusing to date again till college because I believed that I wouldn't find anyone for me in that high school.
After two years of buying the leftover chocolate on sale at Walmart, I can say I'm okay. I'm okay because now I have a wonderful boyfriend who treats me well and fills all the holes of my previous relationships. I can rely on him.
I may not be able to spend Valentine's Day with him because we go to different colleges, but I'm happy anyway because I know that we actually care about each other.
Valentine's Day has always been that sought after experience. In high school, at least, if you were in a relationship, you wanted people to know about it, and if you were single, you wanted to disappear for the day so you wouldn't have to see all the girls walking around with chocolate and teddy bears and, all in all, the most rambunctious gifts you would ever see. If you were single and decided to hide for the day at home, rather than school, you couldn't escape because all over the TV and the Internet were Valentine's ideas and commercials, etc.
I won't miss those days. Of course, I may still take advantage of the chocolate sales, but now, I think I'm finally okay with it all.
Though, it's ironic that the year I have a boyfriend for Valentine's Day, I become content with the thought of being single on it.
I don't wish anything different. I like where I'm at now. I'm healing faster than I thought I would from those exes that did me wrong, those girls that would bully me for being single... I may not forgive everything like my mother would hope, but I won't let it drag me down.
And no one else should either.
If you're alone on Valentine's Day, there's no need to feel bad about it. You are you. Things happen. But the events that we go through now will only serve us later.
Grab a movie, some chocolate and popcorn, get in your favorite pajamas, maybe don't even bathe that night, but have fun. Go out with friends, go see a movie with a sibling you haven't seen in a while. Visit your parents. Thank everyone.
Valentine's Day, you aren't something I fear anymore, and it's not just because of my boyfriend. It's because you are just that... a day.
One of the many days to remember and live through.
That being said, I can't wait. I think this will be my favorite Valentine's Day ever. Call me hypocritical, but I care about it now. I want to use this day to show my boyfriend just how much I appreciate him. So... he better expect some dang chocolate.
Valentine's Day, may you have a great day.
Love,
CRIzaguirre
