In elementary and middle school, everybody looks forward to finding a note on their desk or in their locker on Valentine’s Day. When we are young, it is a holiday full of excitement, innocent flirtation and 30 miniature, SpongeBob-themed cards from CVS to hand out in class. As we get older, however, the true meaning behind Valentine’s Day becomes a little more obscure.
I remember a few years ago asking my mother what my stepdad, Phil, did for her on Valentine’s Day and was surprised when she told me he didn’t do or give her anything. When I asked why not, she gave me an answer I’d never thought about before. She told me that she didn’t want Phil to go out of his way to get her anything for the holiday.
I recently brought it up again, asking my mom for some more specifics. Lots of adults celebrate Valentine’s Day, and it has become an increasingly popular American tradition. Why wouldn’t anyone want a box of chocolate and bouquet of roses from her/his significant other? Why wouldn’t couples want a day to celebrate their relationship with every other couple in the country?
“I wouldn’t want somebody running around last-minute trying to buy me a $50 bouquet of roses at a gas station on Valentine’s Day,” my mom told me. She and I both agree that it is much more romantic to receive a gift on a random day for no particular reason besides, “I saw this and it reminded me of you”.
“Phil and I do that for each other all the time,” she said. “Well, mostly Phil. If he sees something that he thinks I might want or need, he gets it for me. When we want to go out to a fancy restaurant, we go out to a fancy restaurant. We don’t need a specific holiday for it.”
But, how do you know when neither of you are getting gifts for each other? Do you talk about it? Do you randomly mention not doing anything for Valentine’s Day the week before?
My mom laughed at my questions, reminiscing. “I think Phil got me a card when we first started dating. I can’t remember what it said, but if I knew that was going to be the last one, I would have saved it.”
When I asked Phil the same questions, he said almost exactly the same thing, but expanded more on the culture of Valentine’s Day for other people. He said it’s definitely more for people who are in a new relationship or who have just started dating. It’s a way to say, “Hey, I like you,” but as the years go by, it becomes less necessary to reserve Valentine’s Day to do and say such things.
When my sister and I were younger, our parents used to take us out to a nice restaurant that we usually only went to once every year for the occasion. When we went to boarding school, the tradition could no longer continue, but memories remain. Of course, I miss our Valentine's dinners, and so I understand the importance of giving gifts and going out to dinner for those people who have truly made it an annual tradition. For my parents, however, it wasn’t all about romance—it was about spending time with family. “However,” he told me, “It’s all based on personal preference. For some people, Valentine’s Day is a tradition they’d like to keep.”
My dad took a different angle on the subject. He just started dating someone a few months ago and things have been pretty serious, so I asked if he made any special plans. “I told [my girlfriend] that Valentine’s Day is a commercial scam. It’s a rip off. Everything is doubled in price, and reservations are impossible to make. Restaurants are crowded, the menus are specialized. It’s not ideal for a romantic night. In high school, it was really great if you got a card, but now it’s about how much money your boyfriend or girlfriend spends on you, and the commercials, and the advertisements. When I told her this, she seemed kind of disappointed at first, but today she told me she’d rather spend the night in, anyway, and cook dinner at home.”
He mentioned buying flowers for my mom when they were married, only he would get them at Stop & Shop where they were $20 cheaper. “I still wanted to be romantic,” he said, “But for half the price. When we had kids, though, I think we both just decided that we’d rather stay in and not worry about it.”
The thing that worries me personally (though I’m sure many would agree) about Valentine’s Day is its genuineness. I see so many people sharing pictures and posts about their relationships and Valentine’s Day gifts (or lack thereof), and either they are celebrating their love for one another or drowning in self-deprecation and loneliness. However, on any other day, those people who are celebrating love are complaining about their relationships, and those who are “lonely” are looking in all the wrong places for something more, so the social media aspect of the holiday seems deceiving.
The true meaning behind Valentine’s Day lies within our elementary school days—a way to flirt and say, “Hey, I like you,” to a new boyfriend or girlfriend with a little gift or dinner date. Once you know each other well enough to celebrate your love whenever possible, it’s not a necessary holiday. It is much more romantic to have spontaneous dates and gift exchanges. This is, however, unless you have already made it a tradition with annual Valentine's Day breakfasts, vacations, dinners, etc., in which case it has a significant, long-lasting authenticity.
