Dear Younger Me,
You haven’t heard the song yet, but I’m listening to it right now. It won’t really stick out to you when it first comes out, but it’ll apply eventually. What you’re going to face is more than you ever thought you’d see in this life, but I think you always knew it wouldn’t be smooth sailing.
No one gets the chance to go back and tell their younger self what they know now. I wish I could. You could spare yourself so much unnecessary heartache. So I’ll just pretend. I’ll say that you’re about twelve as I’m telling you this, just after you committed your life to Jesus.
First and foremost, you should know He is the best thing that will ever happen to you. No matter how many times you all but turned your back on Him, He never gave up on you. And just as you are feeling right now, the decision you made to make your faith your own just now is the best one you will ever make.
But, like I said, life isn’t always going to be easy. So here’s a list of what we regret now, what we wish we would have done differently – but also the things we wouldn’t change for the world. Things we may have doubted at first, but turned out to be the best things in our lives. Starting from where you are, and working up to where I am.
It’s not the end of the world that no boys like you. You’re not even allowed to date yet, honey. I know that’s what mom keeps telling you, and it irritates you to no end, but that’s the truth of the matter, and you’ll see it one day. So stop doubting yourself because of it. You are beautiful. While we jokingly call this your “dorky phase” later, and claim it didn’t go away until sophomore year, we still wish you could have seen how truly precious you are right where you are.
Those girls you think are so great? In the least bitter-sounding way possible, they’re not for you. We won’t mesh with them as well as we think you will. I promise you, when you get to high school, we’ll find the friends we need, and suddenly, friendship will be better than we ever thought it could be.
And guess what? It’ll be with both guys and girls! That’s right, the male race is not as scary to talk to as we think they are. Most of them, anyway. But some of our best friends in both high school and college will be boys. Embrace it. Brother-friends are just as important as sister-friends.
Now for a regret: when we see Bradley in Dairy Queen on our first day of eighth grade, say hi to him. Yeah, we’re awkward. Yeah, we’re thirteen and he’s in high school, and therefore moderately intimidating. Yeah, we barely know him and he might not recognize us on sight. But I have sad news for you: this is the last time we’ll see him in this life. So say hi to our cousin. Trust me, it won’t hurt anything, and we won’t struggle with it in eleven months’ time.
We’re not going to meet our future husband on the first day of high school. Please stop looking for him. Don’t just randomly assume the mildly attractive guy we sit next to in third period is “the one.” We’ve just met him. And yes, we’ll find that he’s a really good guy, but making that leap to “I must have you one day” is a bit ridiculous, as harsh as that sounds. Sweetheart, don’t go there. Seriously, we will save ourselves so much unnecessary heartache if we just don’t go there yet.
And, shockingly, it’s not required of us that we meet our soulmate in these four years. Yes, mom and dad started dating her senior year. Yes, our brother and sister-in-law started dating their junior year. That doesn’t mean it’s a family requirement. Maybe try looking for who we are, instead of who he might be. He’ll come along when God knows we’re ready for him. To be honest, I still don’t know who he is. We may have met him, we may not have. But, believe it or not, we reach a point where we’re okay with that, and this is not our sole focus.
So, good heavens, child! We’re fourteen or fifteen. Please just have fun and stop being so ready to settle down.
Don’t listen to anyone who tells us Corban isn’t a good idea. It’s where God wants us. By now, this is obvious.
Don’t let the drama get you down. For one thing, it’ll get infinitely worse before you know it. For another, we are not defined by the way we’re treated, by the things they say about us. We are defined by our identity in Christ, and nothing else.
Stop trying to skirt around the awkward situation that clearly exists. Don’t wait for mom to handle it, do it yourself. Reaching out on our own is the best option, and it’ll be a lot less awkward than we think.
Don’t be afraid of the feelings that are growing. Are they probably a bad idea? From the world’s standpoint, yes. Anytime you’re considering being unequally yoked, it’s a dangerous topic. But we will learn so much from this, dear. And it’ll give us a heart for the lost. Yes, Jesus is the reason we care about them, but He’ll use this one as a catalyst.
But on that note, please don’t rush into this relationship like we always want to. Things are not going to work out like a picture perfect fairy tale, in this or in any other aspect of life. No one will come out of it unscathed, us least of all. And, as much as we want it to, there won’t be a huge conversion at the end of it. But it wasn’t pointless. Nothing at all was wasted. So please keep that in mind when you doubt whether it had any meaning in a year’s time.
Hang in there. College is coming. That’s all I have to say about the kids we have to deal with at work. For now, just relish the relationships with the coworkers we actually enjoy. Because, looking back on it, they’re pretty awesome. And when we feel like they’re pushing people into the dish room with us…? Get over it. We couldn’t hide out in there forever.
And now we reach college. I can’t regret everything that happened to us in the past year, but I also know that what came out of the bad would have happened regardless of the hardship we had to go through. Please just stick to Jesus. As much as this seems fun, and as much as you want to completely ignore Him for other, worldly things, don’t assume that just because you’re at a Christian college, your walk with Him is okay.
Also, Yes. Becoming a hard-core Trekkie is, in fact, a marvelous idea. Not because of the amount of just plain fun it’s going to be, but because of what God will put on our heart as a result. So, for the love of tribbles, don’t run away from that.
Maybe do it a bit differently, though. Start trying to see where Jesus fits in your fangirling sooner. More time is always good. Because I assure you, being a Trekkie is not always going to be fun. Sometimes, it’s going to hurt. Oh, gosh, I can’t even begin to tell you how much it’ll hurt. I won’t tell you exactly how, but in about nine months you’re going to be blindsided, and the only thing you’ll want is more time. You’ll wish you’d consulted God sooner on what He wanted you to do with this. And the guilt will eat you alive.
You can be a Jesus freak and a Trekkie at the same time. Just know that one should obviously take precedence over the other.
And your friends? What they’re doing is not your fault. You don’t have to do anything else at all. Oh, honey, stop taking so much responsibility on yourself! It’s their choice what they do in the long run. But do try to call them. Talk to them. Don’t just let this slip by.
No, diabetes is not going to get easier. Will we get used to it? Yes. But it won’t ever get easier. The good news is, we’ll have our family. We’ll have our friends. They care about us, and want to help us through. And we have Jesus. He’s the more important of all of them.
Mom is just trying to get used to this, just like you are. Cut her some slack. She hates seeing you hurt, and the idea of anything happening to you terrifies her, okay? Am I still learning this? Yeah, and we’ll probably be learning it for the rest of our lives. But at some point on our wedding day, will we turn into Shelby Eatonton and say, “Get over it, Mama?" Yes. And that’s when we’ll know things are going to be okay.
Finally, what I would say about your heartbreak: Embrace it. And for goodness’ sake, let someone else know you’re experiencing it! It’ll get so much easier, so much faster if you do. Take it seriously, and don’t try to pass it off as something lesser than it is. You’ll get rid of the guilt faster, too. Because whatever you’re piling on yourself right now is completely ridiculous. Just know that this counts, too. And there are people out there who won’t judge you for it.
Our mom is one of them. Just tell her what’s going on in your heart. She’s a good listener.
By this time, I think we’re solid enough with Jesus to survive whatever else life throws at us. Because trust me, where I’m ending is about four months behind where we are now, and the pain we go through is not nearly over. Just keep clinging to Him, like you did. It’s one of the things you did right. Good news is it’s not the only thing you did right, though all of the others stemmed from this one.
Finally, here’s some of the good stuff, most of which applies to you on January 4th, 2016, sitting in a hospital bed: So, we do get back to Corban eventually! It’ll be a bit of a bumpy ride, but we make it. And it’s so, so worth it. If nothing else, the people here are some of the best we’ll ever find. Don’t expect it to make everything perfect again, though. It will be far from that, but it’ll be a beautiful mess. It’ll be God’s masterpiece.
“Star Trek Beyond” was worth that very, very long wait. It was just as epic as you thought it would be, and more so. But don’t be surprised if you cry at the end of the credits.
It may seem sad that I can’t think of a lot of good assurances, but if I were to tell you mostly about the good stuff, it would defeat the purpose of this letter. Just know, we’re happy. In spite of it all, we’re happy. We’re content, we’re loved and we’re still the dreamer we’ve always been. And, most importantly, we know our worth beyond what others think of us. We know when the need to stop letting ourselves be walked over and standing up for ourselves arises. We’re the mature young woman we always doubted we’d become.
And here’s the good news: We’re not nearly done becoming her.
I wish you could read this letter, little twelve-year-old Rachel. But since you can’t, I’ll just say that I may regret some of our choices, but I do not regret where we ended up. I love you. I hope you’re proud of me, what we became. We do get to the point where we love this crazy life, and let me tell you, it’s a great place to be.
Love,
You in Seven Years
