Hey, how's it going?
You've grown a lot in the past three years; I'm proud to say that your almost-19-year-old self is the happiest she's ever been. She's in college, surrounded by friends near and far, and finally loves the life she's living and most importantly herself....but let me give you some advice......
You always knew that you were capable of anything you set your mind to, but still, you never wanted to do that. Why is that? Who knows? You're SO dumb for not believing in yourself because spoiler alert: you're now doing everything you thought you'd never do. At 16, you're an innocent girl who lives in her own world thinking that everything had to be perfect for you to be happy, but honey you're so wrong!! The next two years are going to hit you hard; you'll lose some friends, go through your first heartbreak, change schools, have a death in the family, etc... but most of all you learned to live.
Living and being alive are two completely different concepts; at the age of 16 and 17 you had no idea what living was. You always played it safe, but little did you know that living outside of your comfort zone would become your new and favorite comfort zone! You're way too sheltered. Having fun isn't a bad thing, letting yourself live isn't a bad thing! Loosen up, there's no reason to be so hard on yourself. Just because people can let loose doesn't mean they're bad people; sometimes instead of staying up late and studying extra hard for that test that won't matter in a year. You should go out and spend time with your friends. Live in the moment. Those are the memories that'll last a lifetime.
Going to school in Manhattan teaches you A LOT, and by a lot I mean you learn the most you've ever learned about life outside the classroom. Taking public transportation allowed you to experience what it's like to be independent, and you love it! Walking up and down the streets of 5th avenue and the weekly stop in Soho to explore is nothing shy of magical. You're going to meet so many people that all teach you a little something about life. The greatest lesson you'll learn is by your English teacher when he asked you why you're so insecure. You weren't sure of the answer, but he knew. He told you that in life you don't need to justify yourself to anybody (friends, family, teachers, etc.) because you don't. You can do whatever you want without having to explain yourself. If it makes you happy, that's all that should matter.
People think you have a great sense of humor and a compassionate heart, maybe that's because you have to laugh through the pain in life, but who knew it paid off! Stop caring what people think!!! WHO CARES?? If you can't be yourself, who can you really be? Not everyone is going to like you and you're going to learn that that's okay, you weren't put on this earth to please other people. You need to make yourself happy first. You know what's really cool? Pretty soon you're going to have 4 of your greatest friends come into your life and show you that life is all about adventure! You'll work for an app together, plan tons of trips and make your ideas become a reality. Meeting Carolina, Brittney, Valeria, and Alana will be one of the greatest moments you've had so far in life and girl, they will always be there for you with comfort, laughs, support, and late night talks about "our mans."
Speaking of "our mans" I wanna let you know that you will go through your first heartbreak and it's going to be absolutely horrible. These teen movies aren't joking when they say you'll be sitting in your room crying with a tub of ice-cream in your hand blasting Best Thing I've Never Had by Beyonce and Get Out by Jojo. You don't need to go back to the guy that hurt you, he's so not worth it. Even if he was one of your best friends, let! Him! Go! Wait for the guy that really wants to be with you and that would do anything to see you smile, he's the keeper, and you will find him, but don't be afraid to be vulnerable along the way because it will help you find what you do and don't want in a guy.
Anyway, more about you! You're now in college, living away from home, the only place where you ever felt safe. One of your friends has taught you that home is a feeling, its about the people you're with and the experiences you create. Drew quickly became a second home and you love it, believe it or not, you're the happiest version of you when you're at school.
Be yourself!! You have SO much passion inside of you, so why not let it run free? You love to write, create, learn, and let me say you're pretty talented! Confidence isn't a bad thing, it's actually pretty great. When people tell you that you've changed, it'll be music to your ears: change is all that you needed.
Continue to be supportive of your friends and be there as the shoulder to cry on. One of your greatest qualities is your sympathy towards others, don't ever let that change... encourage people, smile at strangers, and tell your friends how much they mean to you, one of those friends being your mom. She's your biggest supporter and she will always see the best in you.
I just want you to know that you spent 17 years of your life worrying about where it's going to take you, and it was a waste of precious time. You were too young for that! Constant worrying about losing people, doing "perfect" in school, and looking to impress anyone but yourself wasn't worth it. You've finally realized that you were put on this earth to make yourself happy and proud, that's all that matters. You're happy and I'm proud of you!!
Best of luck pal, you can do it.
PS: You know the thing that you were so worried about? Yeah, haha, stop worrying.
