The unfortunate event of having a parent who was never really a parent to begin with is something I would never wish on my worst enemy. Some people grow up without mothers, some without fathers and some people with the most awful possibility to imagine, neither a mother or father. All of those are awful scenarios that some people have the terrible misfortune of knowing. I am one of those people. Here goes nothing.

Dear Dad,

Don't take that greeting to heart. I don't consider you anything like a father to me. You are a disgrace to even be associated with. I am thankful that you were able to help create me, and that is it. I am not grateful for anything else you have "given" or "blessed" me with. I am twenty years old now, I bet you didn't even know time could go by so quickly. It would have gone quicker, had you been there for all twenty years. I am nearly twenty-one, nearly completely legal. You wouldn't know that, though. You never kept in touch, and if you did, it was a one time attempt, once a year, upon occasion, when you nearly forgot, and barely remembered when my birthday was. You know, it hurts. It hurts a lot. To think someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally, because you are a mini me of them, couldn't love you enough to stay out of trouble and stick around. Granted, things would have turned out differently, it would have been nice to have a dad around. You know what, Mom made a better dad than you could have ever dreamed about being anyway. I know that you will probably never read this, but it helps to vent anyway.

I don't know that if you were to read this that you would even care. You haven't my entire life, so why would you care enough to listen now? I want to fill you in on somethings that you have missed, just in case you have "turned your life around" and "want to be involved." After you left on 7/28/1998 many things happened. Soon after you left I started singing when I was three. I sang Silent Night by myself in front of the whole church, and I haven't stopped since. I was a straight A student in school most of the time, if not, it was always A's and B's. I was always on the honor roll, always. I never missed a day in school unless I couldn't get out of bed. I had perfect attendance for the most part. I made my way to high school and found my way to what I wanted to do in music: I composed and arranged songs. I fell in love with my knight in shining armor. I got my first job at sixteen (that was a really big deal.) I went to my senior prom and about an hour an a half before that, I performed in a big deal singing competition. I then finally graduated high school, I walked across the stage and was cheered on by everyone who had watched me grow. I was only seventeen then, it was a huge accomplishment for me. I got accepted into the College of my dreams, Brevard College. I got engaged to my knight in shining armor this past Christmas, guess who gave the blessing, Mom and Poppy, not you. Well, you are pretty much caught up with the present day.

You know, I remember some of the things you would say on the phone or write to me when you would call out of self interest while you were in jail for the billionth time. Seeing Mom cry over you showed me one thing that I will never forget. You are a monster. You are some one that I hope I didn't get anything from except for the horrid last name that reminds me that I am the offspring of scum who put on a good enough face to convince my mother that you were worth her time, that she didn't deserve any better than you. Well, she did and does deserve better than your low life self.

With some of my anger and rage out in the open, letting you know how I feel about you, I want you to know that I am thankful you were able to convince her that you were good enough, for my own selfish reasons, because without you, there would be no me. I would not exist in the family that I do now. Mom and I make a wonderful family by ourselves, and now with the addition of my wonderful fiancee that you will never meet. He doesn't deserve to meet the man who gave me abandonment issues and separation anxiety. Without you, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. I wouldn't have seen what it was like to be a strong woman if Mom would have had someone else to help her.

So really, I should be thanking you and not ranting on and on about how much of a crap "father" you were. Actually, it takes just one swift motion to become a dad, but one entire lifetime of care and love to be a father. So, I take back what I said, I take back that you were a crap father because you were never one to begin with. You are a low life who took advantage of a lonely woman who soon became a single mother, and a damn good single mother at that. I don't need to be thanking you for anything. I need to be telling you that I am just fine. Thank you for not wondering or asking. I am okay without you, not because I have grown to live with you, but because I have grown to accept that not every boy can become man enough to be a father. I am sorry that you are still a boy. I am sorry that you will never get to see what your little girl can do. Most importantly, I am sorry that you will never have a real family of your own, because Mom and I have a pretty great one without you.

I said I should be thanking you for a few things. Those are just out of spite. So really, thanks for nothing, dad. I wish I could say I love you, but it isn't right to lie.