Hey Sweets!

I miss you, but you already know that. I hope you are doing well.

Papa Chang and Mama Chang went to Puerto Rico recently, even though you know how much my mom hates the sun. You got super jealous when you had to miss it a couple Christmas ago when all the family went. They miss you too but they don’t talk about you in front of me, because they are afraid to make me upset. We went to Japan and Mama Chang bought a butterfly ornament for the Christmas Tree, she didn’t say anything but I’m sure she bought it because it reminded her of you. If only you came back for Christmas...

Elaina has gotten a lot taller from the last time you saw her. She also started learning how to play the guitar. Mama Chang told me that she enrolled Elaina in tennis and she thinks the only reason Elaina likes to go to tennis practice is because the tennis coach is pretty darn cute. I mean can you imagine, a nine-year-old checking out boys already! I mean when we were nine, we were watching Tom and Jerry and eating a bit too much ice cream. I don’t know if Elaina understands that you are gone forever and I don’t know how to bring it up to her. If only you aren’t…

I finished my first year of college. It was pretty good. I met some amazing people, I even joined a sorority. Isn’t it funny how you have always wanted to join a sorority and I made fun of you for it for the longest time and now I am in one? I know you are surprised, but I promise they are pretty cool haha. You would definitely like my Big Sis, she is hella savage. If only you got to meet her...

Remember when we would talk about how Lucy and I are gonna go to college first and then you and Summer would have to pick one of the colleges that we are at and join us? Well Summer is going to BU with Lucy, but you won’t be joining me. I even have the beach as the backyard, we could have gone there after class everyday. I could help you move into your dorm room, take you around campus, and make you food when you get sick of the dining commons. If only you came here...

It’s been more than a year since you left me but there hasn’t been a single day that you haven’t been in the back of my mind. I miss you incredibly. I miss you but I don’t know who to talk to, I don’t want to bring you up because I am afraid to make other people sad so sometimes I just hug the pillow and cry. I miss having someone to laugh at my horrible jokes with. I miss having you make my decisions for me because I am too indecisive. I miss your stories of how you fell down the stairs because you were too tired. I miss your ugly ass snapchats. I miss you calling to wake me up from my nap so I don’t stay up till 2 a.m. doing homework. I regret taking all those things for granted because it will never happen again. I will never get to open another one of you snapchats. I will never receive another phone call from you. I will never be able to schedule another Skype call with you. I will never have someone tell me chicken nuggets when I can’t decide what to get at McDonalds. I regret not visiting you that winter break because I was selfish and I wanted to spend more time with my friends back home. I regret missing your Skype calls because I was preoccupied with my social life. I regret so many things. It’s funny because I would be walking somewhere and I would randomly have a flashback of us doing something stupid.

A week ago I suggested the song Obvious Bicycle to someone. I remember how that was your favorite song. You said you would live your life according to those lyrics, you won’t stop for anyone because no one was more important to you than yourself. You said you will never forget those that have helped you on your journey. If you really lived by those lyrics, then I guess you made the decision that you thought was the best for yourself. The pain from losing you never goes away but I am slowly starting to accept it. You are in a better place and heaven has gained a beautiful angel. Just know that I will always think of you and I will always love you.

Love,

Your favorite cousin