Attachment and dependency are two things that have been both a blessing and a curse for me in my short 19 years of life. It helps to be attached because it develops a level of closeness, and being dependent on people can lift the weight of your own burdens off of your shoulders. But, at the same time, it makes it super hard to let go of a friendship that you know isn't good for you. What do you do when a friendship does more harm than good? How do you let go?

So, to my toxic friend:

I never wanted to leave you.

Trust me, I fought this moment for as long and hard as I could. I ignored my other friends when they warned me about you, because I wanted to see the good in you. And I still believe that the good is there.

However, something's got to change.

Actually, something did change when our friendship began. I changed. I became a different person than I was when I first met you. Unfortunately, not all change is for the better, and this wasn't one of those lucky situations where you became my better half. In fact, it was the exact opposite.

You influenced me, you taught me to be someone that I wasn't, you changed who I was and where I was going with my life. I know that I make my own decisions, but when I wanted to make the right ones, your persuasiveness pulled me closer in the other direction.

But now, it's time for me to let go from your grip.

I want you to know that I never doubted that you cared about me, and I think that you still do. And I want you to know that I care about you, too, and I'm here whenever you need me there. But you didn't care about me in the right ways. You cared enough to keep me around, but you weren't an advocate for my self-improvement. When I told you it was time for me to make a change to help myself, you didn't think of me--you were only worried about how it was going to affect you. And I don't think you realized how unfair that was to me.

This isn't going to be easy, but it's something that I have to do. We're both going to hurt from it, and our friendship may never recover. But I don't want to lose who I am by trying to dedicate myself to keeping this friendship afloat.

I won't forget the great times that we had, because they were just that: great. And, who knows? Maybe all we need is a break, maybe someday we'll find ourselves in a better place, and we can start this thing over. This isn't working for me, though, and I need a break to heal from the ways you've influenced me that have made me unhappy with myself.

So, until then, know that no matter what, I still love you a lot. But for now, I need to remember how to love me again, and I need to do that without you.