In a previous article, “American Horror Story: My Junior Year”, I talked about how difficult my third year of high school was. This letter is addressed to myself during that time, sixteen years old, about to turn seventeen, during finals time.

Dear Christina,

I know you’re in the midst of a hectic finals week, feeling hopeless as you try to balance studying, orchestra and dance. I know you’re worried that you’re going to fail your AP Bio test, but your grade won’t be as bad as you’re thinking, trust me. I know that playing Christmas music for orchestra is your least favorite thing to play, but you’re going to miss that in college. I know that sometimes you don’t want to go to dance because it’s tiring and you could be studying or catching up on sleep, but all that hard work you’re putting in is going to pay off in more ways than one.

I know that a lot of your friends don’t feel like your friends anymore; stop trying to impress them. Take time for those that really matter -- you know who I’m talking about. Try to avoid those petty arguments you have with your boyfriend. Take some time to tell him you love him instead. You have spent far too much time and energy on conversations and people who do not matter. In doing so, you’ve sacrificed a little piece of your happiness. I know that this heart of yours cares too much.

I know this because it is mine. I know this because I am you.

I remember how tough junior year was. How some mornings you wondered if you should fake being sick so Mom and Dad would let you stay home. You should be honest with them, and let them know how you’re feeling. Tell them you’re not feeling so good mentally, that everything just feels so draining, and they might let you stay home once or twice. Sure, they won’t let you go to dance either, but you could use a break from that as well.

I’m here to tell you that things are going to get better. Yes, that is a cliche and you hate cliches, but it’s true. Two years from now, you are going to be in college, about to turn nineteen and be loving life. You’ll have lost contact with all of those fake friends you’re surrounded with, and will have replaced them with friends who truly care about you. You’ll have learned to manage your time a little better and notlet all of your work pile up on top of you. Yes, you’re still going to struggle with homework sometimes, but you’re going to get through it. You don’t know this yet, but you’re a dance major. Crazy, right? Mom and Dad gave in after realizing that dance is what you really want to do, not just some after-school hobby. You probably haven’t even heard of San Jose State University, but you’re going to love it here.

You are also more independent than you’ve ever been. You can’t begin to imagine how well you’re doing on your own. You’d be surprised at how easy doing your own laundry is, and cleaning your room isn’t such a drag anymore. You have gotten comfortable being alone, and don’t feel as nervous in large crowds anymore. I won’t be surprised if you don’t recognize yourself. Family members told you this past Thanksgiving that you look different -- older somehow, that you have a glow.

Genuine happiness may not be in reach right now, but it will be, I promise. Just get through this semester and the next, then you can have the summer to yourself (and to the ballet class that you teach over the summer; trust me, you’ll love it).

I urge you to keep going, and to not lose sight of your end goals. 16 may not have been great to you, but 17 will be, and 18 will be even better. Right now, I’m looking forward to what nineteen has to bring. In the meantime, dance hard, study harder and remember to love yourself as much as I know you can.

Yours,

Christina.