Dear my sixteen year old self,

I know times are super confusing right now. You're dealing with moving to a new state and life had already been difficult before throwing that into the mix.

I know you're struggling.

You cut back to one meal a day because you think shaving off a few pounds will make you look exactly the way you picture in your head. You try to convince yourself that you're not hungry. You spend every waking moment trying to fit in with your friends knowing that they're not the group you're really looking for.

They're someone else's friends and deep down you know this. You feel lonely because of it. I guess that's why you gave out second and third chances like they were candy on Halloween. When you first turned sixteen, everything was painted in a gold tint.

There was the surprise birthday party your best friend threw for you that cured you for a few days. But it doesn't last long like you wanted it to. Moving away from the place you've always known will be one of the hardest things you'll have to do. It'll put you in a mindset you don't know how to get out of. Sitting in your room in the new house will put your greatest fear of loneliness to the test.

But you won't be nearly as alone as you feel in these moments.

You'll meet the greatest group of people. Joining marching band will be the greatest decision you'll make. You'll still struggle with an eating disorder, especially during your first season. You'll get to your lowest weight in all of high school. But the good thing about hitting the lowest of lows is you can only go up from there. You'll get close to the people in your section. They won't know your struggles but they will be your friend.

Let them in.

I know you miss your old home. You miss the friends you've known forever and the familiarity of Greensboro, North Carolina. But let them in. In NC, you had all of your best friend's friends. Here your friends are completely your own. You'll meet a guy who will give you his heart and soul. Protect it at all costs.

While he won't be the cure to everything, he'll open the doors that kept you from seeing your own beauty. He'll have his own struggles. You will both have good days and bad, but your love will prevail it all. Don't fear falling in love. Instead, let him in.

You'll grow so much in two years. You'll be a healthy weight, an Honors college student in Muncie, Indiana, and more in love with the boy than you ever could've imagined. While you'll still have days where you skip meals on purpose and days when anxiety pins you to your bed, they aren't nearly as detrimental. Life is all about progression and I'm so proud of you for yours.

Sincerely,

Sarah