Dear Past Me,

Hello you! I know this letter is a bizarre thing to receive since it's dated 2016 and not 2014. You’re probably thinking how or why someone would play such an annoying prank on you. Let me assure you though, THIS IS NOT A PRANK! A lot of change has happened this past year and a half, so much that I don’t even know where to begin. I know that you will appreciate this though, since (thankfully) we continue to share that appreciation towards change. I also know that you will be happy to know that everything that you have been working toward thus far will have paid off, since you will be accepted into your dream university (thank your lucky stars for that, since you were dumb enough to only apply to one university. At least I can be confident that you definitely won’t be making that same mistake again). Regardless of all of the initial snags and what seemed to be end-of-the-road obstacles, you WILL actually be able to enroll in classes and pursue your academic goals, so don’t sweat it. It won’t be as easy as you’re currently thinking it will be, but life is never easy as it seems (which is a concept that you are vaguely aware of now but will really have to face in the next year and a half).

I know that you think that you have your life figured out. Well, homegirl, let me tell you: you actually don’t. Professionally and academically, attending University of the Pacific will open you up to concepts that right now you would deem impossible, such as shifting your focus from neuropsychology to applied behavior analysis because you FINALLY came to your senses and paid attention to your interests rather than trying to impress your family and acquaintances whenever they asked you what you planned to do with a psychology degree. By the way, behaviorism is not the cold and controlling aspect of humanity that your Intro to Psych classes led you to believe. I won’t spoil any more of this wonderful part of your journey for you though, since this realization is one of the greatest things that will happen to you.

You’ll also become a lover of organization because of your intense involvement in extracurriculars; planning and scheduling your day will become a great passion of yours, and you’ll finally put planners to good use (as well as the calendar app on your phone—that thing is a lifesaver!). Believe it or not, you’ll also come to love art, and you’ll be willing to learn how to draw and paint and be crafty because you’ll discover that you actually CAN be creative when you try.

That’s another thing: right now you’re actually afraid of trying new things because you’re afraid to fail. You’ll eventually learn that failure is not necessarily a negative thing, and your willingness to try things out will invigorate your life and open up many opportunities for you.

These changes will also slowly begin to seep into your personal life. You think you’re open-minded right now, but you’ll realize that it doesn’t hurt to open your mind up a bit further. For instance, I know that you don’t identify as a feminist right now, but once you do your research and learn what feminism actually is, you’ll claim the label proudly. I know that you identify as a “lone wolf” as a way to cope with that constant pang of loneliness that has plagued you since high school. Even now, this pain has not disappeared completely; it makes its rounds once in a while, especially when you have too much time to think or when you haven’t left the house for three days in a row. However, you will meet some of the sweetest, funniest, most thoughtful, and most all-around radiant human beings along your journey, people who will motivate and inspire you every single day with their tenacity and determination. These beautiful souls, along with your family, will be the driving force behind your own perseverance and goal-setting. They will provide the light on those especially dark days when you become so overwhelmed with all of the blunders and the sometimes never-ending gloominess around you. Just thinking about them will bring warmth to your soul, and will slowly chip away at that icy wall that you have built around yourself. These wonderful individuals will also motivate you to be comfortable with yourself and to not over-analyze all of your human interactions. You will experience the true meaning of friendship and will build meaningful relationships with the people around you.

Now, just because we've come a long way doesn’t mean that we will stop improving ourselves. You will still look twice, three, and even four times before you leap. You’ll keep too many things to yourself. You’ll still punish yourself every time you make a mistake, and you’ll still over-analyze everything you do. You’ll still feel awkward in some social settings, and loneliness will still knock on your window from time to time. Although you’ve changed in so many ways, your love for learning and for life are still ever-present. You still won't have your life all figured out by the end of 2016, but believe it or not, you'll actually be ok with that.

Always love,

The future you