I think about you. Quite frequently, to be honest. It could be anything random that you liked, such as a certain smell or food. My most common reminder is music, and sometimes I find myself listening to it in order to feel happy; other times, I listen to your favorite songs just so I can cry for a little bit.
It's been awhile since you left us. People tend to say that time heals all wounds, but in reality, you just learn better ways to cope with it. If you even want to call it that. Honestly, there are times where it feels like I'm only coping because it's become part of who I am and I'm just used to the feeling. I've gotten too used to replaying the images and words in my head of the last moments I saw you alive. I never thought at twelve years old I would lose one of the most important people in the world to me.
It's still hard sometimes. I'll find a song or see a picture and just start crying. It's not always easy to talk about, because death of a parent isn't typically a form of grief that people have to deal with until they're much older.
I wonder if you would be proud of who I've become. I've gone through hell and back and survived, and though I may hold some beliefs that opposed yours, I've stood my ground when it comes to what I believe in.
I miss you. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss you. I've come quite a long way and met quite a few people over time, many of which I'm sure you would've liked to meet. I talk about you in random moments, when a sliver of a memory comes to light in a given situation.
I'm still learning who I am. Sometimes I think that maybe none of us really know who we are, because there's always room for improvement. I'm still your little girl, and honestly I think I always will be.
Please know that I try to be the best person I can be. I screw up sometimes and make terrible decisions. I know that there's moments that you would scold me for, and I'm sorry if I ever have let you down.
I love you and miss you so deeply, and hope that one day I'm able to see you once more. Thank you for teaching me everything you could in the short amount of time you had. I will forever cherish your memory and value the time I was given to know you.
With Love,
Em
