To my loving, gentle, kind, Guardian Angel:
I may not know exactly who you are, but I think I have an idea. I wish I had a direct way to talk to you, to get to know you and learn about what your life was like, and why you are following me on the path I am taking. I like my life, I'm okay with the things I have gone through. I have learned to cope well and become a better person. But that aside, I want to ask you a few things here, and now. I ask you to not be offended, to still love me as I still love your protection and guidance. But...
Where were you the times I needed you the most?
That time I fell and broke my foot? I had to then perform in the play on crutches.
That time I cried for hours over a silly boy? I thought my heart was broken, I never thought I would be able to get over that.
That time my "friends" laughed at me, and made me feel so insecure? I was so down and lonely, I wish I could have talked to you.
What about when I got to college... the tough times during the semester and the vacations alike. I was blinded by naivety, and needed you more than ever. Although the experiences I went through were ones to learn from, I wish I never had to learn in this way.
Where were you when I got into his car, belligerent... and he didn't take me back to my house?
That time the stranger put something in my cup at the party, making my beer taste fruity? That one I got out of, yes. But I felt so alone. My friends left me after I told them about it. I was lucky my other friends were awake, because the stranger followed me to their house.
What about when I got my speeding ticket? I was so nervous, I could hardly speak.
Where were you through my anger, my anxiety, my sadness? The times I felt so alone and needed to feel you there?
I know I cannot put all of the blame on you. Maybe some of these things were out of your control.
Looking back, and typing this all out I know exactly where you were. Without all these experiences, I would not be who I am today. I may not even be where I am today. Because you have guided me through all those tough times, that is why I am okay today. Because no matter what, I still have you by my side.
Aside from all the negative questions I asked, I know you have been here for me more often than not. I know you sent that man to me when my mattress was practically flying off my car. I was so stressed out; I never thought I could tie it down, but he knew how and he did.
I know you were there when I was driving to Virginia, and I almost flipped my car. That should have been the scariest moment of my life, but for some reason I was extraordinarily calm, and I think it's because I knew you were there.
So I want to thank you for letting me mess up here and there. Thank you for sticking with me through everything. And even though I felt alone through the tough times, I know you have always been there for me. I know you were there with me, and maybe my hard times hurt you just as bad as they hurt me. What matters now is that because of it all I have become stronger than I would have ever been.
Sincerely,
Me.
