Philippians 1:3 I thank my God every time I remember you.
I know that you know it, but I miss you so much. It all seems so unfair still; I'm not sure I will ever be able to understand it all. I know that you are in a better place, but I would do anything to be able to hear your voice or see your face one more time.
I will never forget the night that I was told the news--6 months ago to this day. I did not believe that it could be true, and quite honestly nobody did. I was in such shock and could not even find the tears. I remember waking my dad up to tell him, and not being able to find the words to even tell him what I had been told. The shock turned to sadness, and crying was the only thing I was able to do. In the days to come, sadness was everywhere. I wasn't the only one crying. People who didn't even have the pleasure of knowing you were crying, because they saw the impact that you left on the people who loved you. In the months to follow, sadness turned to bitterness. Why you? Why then? And 6 months later, I go through all of these stages every time I think about you. I have a picture of you on my phone lock-screen, so that every morning I can see your beautiful face when I wake up. Last time I was home, I didn't get the chance to visit you, and I'm still mad at myself for it. I really wanted to be able to sit down and tell you about things, but I had so much going on. One of my biggest fears is you thinking that I'm too busy for you, or that I'm "over it." I hope that you know that I will never go a day without thinking about you.
Although your time here on Earth was cut short, I'm glad that we spent the amount of time together that we did while you were here. I think about all of the summer nights we shared, all of the homecoming dances we were in the same group for and the Sunday mornings at church and I can't help but smile. One of my favorites is a morning only a couple weeks before you left us. It was before school started and I was in my car fixing my makeup. I looked at the car next to me and you were looking at me and laughing so hard because you said that you had never seen someone make as many funny faces as I had made. Those are the memories I hold on to the most.
All in all, I hope you never forget how much I miss you. Being away at school, I sometimes try and distract myself from thinking about you on days that it hurts so much, and sometimes I'm successful. But then I go home to our hometown, and it catches up to me. I can hear "You Should Be Here" on the radio, and I'm guaranteed to cry. Just know that you are always on my mind, no matter what. I love you always and I will see you again one day.
Love,
Me
