This is where I am right now. I have a new boyfriend, one of whom I have had for a year. Things are great; he makes me laugh and makes me so super happy, he is everything I have ever wanted and more. But there are times when I think of my ex.
Now hold on, I know what you’re thinking, “oh that’s not good that she still thinks about him…” But actually, it is, and let me tell you why. See, my ex was one that did the average things your first loves do, it was an emotional roller coaster. I took all that I could take until one day I just woke up and decided that I couldn’t take it anymore and after months of him not knowing what he wanted and not sure if he wanted a serious relationship; I decided to quit putting myself through the misery and decided to end it.
But this letter isn’t to bash him, this letter is to simply say thank you.
Thank you for all of those times that I begged you to hang out with me and you wouldn’t do it.
No, really, thank you so much. There were so many nights that I would sit around and wait for you to be ready to hang out with me. There were so many nights that you would stay out until 1 to 3 AM and ignore my texts... all fifty of them (not joking). Or the times that you told me your phone died when in all reality you just shut it off so that you could have your fun. You made me feel like I was so clingy and not worth your time at all. This isn’t to bash you, it’s to say thank you for letting me realize my worth through all of the tears I cried and all the nights I cried myself to sleep.
Thank you for allowing me to feel love.
Whether you know it or not, love is a real feeling. And I felt it with you. That’s why I allow myself to say you were my first love. For you, I would have moved mountains and went to the ends of the Earth (lucky you, I sure did… every second of my life). For six years I allowed myself to love you even when you least deserved it. You taught me what it was like to love somebody for who they were, you taught me that love isn’t selfish, and you taught me that sometimes love isn’t enough. Because I never question that you didn’t love me, I just say that you never allowed yourself to have such a wonderful feeling. And because love can’t be a one-way street, sometimes it doesn’t work out.
Thank you for opening your family up to me.
See, after six years of dating somebody, it’s kind of inevitable that you fall in love with their family. Your family was always so warm and welcoming to me. And I considered them my second family. And even though we aren’t together anymore I am so thankful that you gave me the opportunity to have a relationship with them. They taught me so many things and I will forever be grateful.
Thank you for all of the wonderful memories and life lessons.
You see, even now to this day I still sometimes think of times we would sit there and laugh over the stupidest things, I still think about the happy moments. But while I think of that I also think of all of the lessons you taught me. Like to never allow my next relationship to have such disrespect toward each other, or to never think so little of myself that I would deserve to be put on the backburner a lot more than I should have been.
Now I know, I’m not innocent. I contributed to the fighting… a lot. I will admit my part and say that I was just as much at fault. But while I can say this, I can also say that I have learned my lessons. I can also say that we were both just kids, trying to find our way in life. So when I say sometimes I think of you, I don't mean in the way it sounds... I just say I think of you because you taught me a lot of valuable lessons. You taught me forgiveness, you taught me love, and our breakup taught me my worth.
Peace Out First Love,
Tayla
