I almost don't know what to say, but then I realize that I have SO much I want to say to you.

I miss you. That's the first thing. I miss you so much that it's mentally and physically killing me. I think about you every day, even though I know you've moved on with your life since you can't bother to text or call. I wonder what you're doing late at night. That time when the world seemed to stand still and we would talk about anything and everything--nothing was off limits between us. I feel a void now that you're gone, and a day hasn't gone by that I don't notice your missing presence around me. I hope you miss me and I hope you feel that void one day also, even though you possibly never will.

You may not have been my first love, but you opened doors for me and showed me what it was like to have someone care for me unconditionally. Even though it was hard at times because I know I'm not easy to love. You cared for me. I know that, and I am forever grateful to you for this, as you have set the standards (in that aspect) for the rest of the men in my life. The endless amounts of laughter and good times we shared will never be forgotten.

This being said, I'm not over you, and my healing process is not going to be quick. I cared for you, more than you know, and the bond that we shared is not easily forgotten. As much as I wish I could erase the memory of you, I gave you a part of me that I haven't ever given to someone. Although I don't regret that, the pain from losing that part of me isn't going to go away very fast. I'm still trying to figure out how to recover and the sting is still very much present.

Despite the hurt and pain that I feel, I would like to thank you. You taught me to never be fully dependent on another person again. I became so incredibly attached to you and I never thought you would hurt me--that was my first mistake. I spent so much time worrying about you, caring about you, making sure that you were happy--even though that wasn't the same for you--and that's okay. I was the person who cared more this time, and although it hurts, it taught me a valuable lesson, so I thank you for that.

You took a lot out of me, but you have given me so much more. Since we were in high school until now, you have taught me that I have to learn to stand on my own two feet before I can learn to fly. You taught me that I have to love myself before I can love someone else. You showed me that even when I give my best, it can still not be enough, and I have to be okay with that. You broke me--let me rephrase that--you shattered me, but I will be okay. It may not feel like it now, but you have given me the push I needed to stand on my own, and I am grateful. I am glad you shattered me, because I will come out so much stronger. I will be happy again, and although losing you was something I never imagined, I wish you the best.

Sincerely,

Me