Dear Anxious Boyfriend,
I hope you know that no matter what, I love you. You make the most miserable of days, seem amazing. You can light up a room with just your smile and the look in your eye (and maybe with you messing with the home app on your phone). You can make a two-hour train ride become two hours of pure happiness and relaxation. You can make a two-hour car ride more musical than I could ever imagine (even if you judge me for dancing like a crazy person in the passenger seat). You can make anything seem better.
I know you don't realize this, but you are one amazing person.
You rub your thumb in a little circle when you're anxious, in a spot near the top of my hand, or on my upper arm. You try to hide it, but then I remind you, that I know what the little circles mean. I know the hardened look in your eyes even before you can tell me. Your smile doesn't light up a room, and your eyes don't twinkle when you're anxious. Your eyes go from a bright happy beautiful blue, to a sad, dull blue, and you get this (adorable) little wrinkle between your eyebrows. You become tense and jumpy.
I know you don't realize how amazing you are.
I love you so much. I know these 150 miles between us doesn't help either one of us with our anxiety, but we can, and are making this work. I will never forget holding you, while we were sick in the germ cave (your dorm) gently rubbing little circles on the spot by your ear that makes you relax. You felt like a rotten tomato, but you looked so peaceful. I'll never forget you crying while I told you all my secrets, all the trauma I've endured, all the mental struggles I endured, and me begging you not to give me the sad trauma victim eyes. I'll never forget holding you while you cried. It was and still is one of the most blissful, pure moments of our relationship. I remember that day like it was yesterday, you were so full of anxiety, so tense, and the only thing I could do was hold you. I tried my best to calm you, but the only thing I could do, was comfort you (and let all your tears slowly drench my shirt, but totally worth it).
I know you were told "boys don't cry." But we are all human. We all have emotions; we all have anxiety. Showing emotion is not a weakness, in fact, I see it as quite the opposite. Not any one will let me dish out all my secrets (trust me there are a lot of them) and then dish out all their secrets back. No one else will drive me two hours to see a moose, just because I've never seen one. No one else will play cribbage with me at midnight because I can't sleep. No one else will share the same excitement when a train is approaching the platform.
I hope you know that you are so dear to me.
I love you so much. I can't wait for our future. Once you are finished with co-op, you will come back to Boston, and our anxiety will go away. We will go see beluga whales, go on a whale watch, go on ferries, go eat pizza at our favorite place in Copley, go back to the Starbucks across the street from South Station, and we will go back to the place we built our relationship. Never forget that I will always, and I mean always, enjoy your little anxious circles, even if you rub a hole in my shirt. I will always hold you, always. I will always find that little spot by your ear, that puts you to sleep, and when you're sick, I will always make sure that you get all the hugs and cuddles you need.
With love,
Your Anxious Girlfriend
