Dear supportive people in my life filled with anxiety,

Anxiety is a nasty monster. I never know how it will affect me when it strikes. Will I be moody or will I just break down? Will something that happens every day become something so scary that it triggers an attack? Sometimes it’s not just anxiety, sometimes I have waves of depression that sweep me under. The depression is often worse than the anxiety, even though it is called a “side effect” of it. Is it even worth fighting something I hardly understand? These are all things I ask myself almost every day, along with hundreds of other questions. It is a tough battle and I know many other people go through it alone so, it makes me even more thankful that I have all of you.

I know it is so hard to understand what is happening when my anxiety is rearing its ugly head. I try so hard not to let it come out and be visible, or to even affect me at all. Sometimes I just can’t hold it back anymore or I’m just not strong enough to fight the fight that day. I never want to put extra stress on you guys so, I try my best to keep it all hidden. I feel as though it is so unfair to make you go through all of these things along with me. I mean, why should you have to deal with it if I don’t even want to. I try so hard not to let myself sink into that dark, dark place…

You guys always say it is going to be okay, but to me nothing is okay. When the monster comes there are no good things in life anymore. All of the happiness I once had just seems to be gone and it seems as though it will never return. It can happen all so suddenly and sometimes I don’t ever see it coming. I know you always ask, “what’s wrong”, but I can’t answer a question I don’t even know the answer to myself. I want to talk, but I just don’t know how or what to say. What do you say when you feel as though you aren’t worth the time of day? Sometimes all I want to do is talk, but I feel as though I'm taking up your time. And my problems aren't worth my time let alone yours. I try so hard to be strong. Some days I feel so good that I almost forget that I have anxiety at all. Other days, it is a struggle to even do anything but sleep or lay around.

Despite all of the horrible things I go through, I am so thankful to have all of you in my life to help push me forward through the rough times. I know it isn’t easy to constantly have to deal with this issue. Trust me I know it is totally irrational to fear everything in life. I try so hard to be strong like you guys. You give me the extra motivation I need each day to make it through. You’ll never understand how important you are to me for all of this. And how important you are to making my good days, great days. It would be so much easier for all of you if you just gave up and stopped trying, but then I’d be just as alone as I feel most days. I’m so glad that you stick through all of the bad times that I have.

I’ll never be able to thank you enough for the little things you do that help me through every day. You may not even know that you are helping me, but you are. The little things mean so much to me. You having a good attitude helps me have a good attitude and in turn, allows me to fight off the darkness. I love you all and thank you so much for being so supportive of my everyday fight. I don't know where I would be without you all in this fight with me.

Love,

My Anxiety and Me.