I can't give you the satisfaction of addressing you as "dear" because you are anything but that to me. You have done so many terrible and harmful things that I will never be able to forget and I resent you for that. You made me feel insecure, hopeless and got me to a point where I hit rock bottom. You put an unbearable weight on my shoulders that was always too heavy to hold and often made me want to give up. Something deep down inside of me kept me going day in and day out, but at that time I did not know what it was.
You decided to pay me an unexpected visit during the beginning of my senior year of high school when I was so happy and carefree. I was looking forward to all of the things that senior year had in store, like football games, homecoming, prom and the senior class trip. I should have been so excited for all of the milestones that were quickly approaching, but you always seemed to hold me back. Instead, you always had me look into the future and focus on all of the big decisions that I had to make in the few months before graduation. You made me worry about losing my close friends and the amazing relationship that I had built with my long-term boyfriend. You made me nervous for the future and you made me resent change. I hate that you held me back from truly enjoying my senior year and made me miss out on so many opportunities.
When you decided to surprise me during my first semester of college, I felt hopeless and alone. I often spent my days wandering aimlessly around campus and going to classes, but not mentally being there. Thanks to you, I didn't perform to the best of my potential and disappointed the ones who loved me the most. My friends often said that I looked sick and on some days resembled a zombie. You drained the life out of me and took all of my ambition away because I was always too afraid.
Unfortunately, I wasn't the only one affected by your menacing ways. You also affected my relationship with my parents, which was the hardest thing to see. They would always look so hurt to see their daughter in pain and suffering in silence. I will never forget when I laid in bed crying with my father, who I have never seen shed a tear in my entire life. You had the ability to break down the strongest guy that I've ever known, and that will forever be embedded in my mind.
I also have to thank you, in a sense, for making me a stronger person. Because of you, I can go through life without being afraid of the future. I can go out and enjoy the opportunities that God has given me, no matter what life decides to throw at me. Thanks to you, I know that I have an amazing support system of family and friends behind me that will help me overcome your obstacles and keep me motivated every day. I will no longer cry over you and worry about your next move, because though your goal is to bring me down, you are only building me up.
Even though we have parted ways for now, when you do decide to return, I'll be ready to fight again.
Sincerely,
A Warrior
