Dear Luz,
Do you remember the time that we were at Dunkin Donuts and you were so nervous about getting your friend a birthday donut? You were so worried about getting to school on time, but I think getting your friend the donut was more important. So I let you go ahead of me, even though I had been waiting in line for forever. The look on your face was one that I will never forget. You were so surprised, yet extremely grateful. It was as if you didn’t know that I could be so kind. Later that day at school I hugged you and asked about your friend and you were so happy. You hugged me and thanked me again. From that day on I always hugged you every day at the same time, right after my music class when you were in line for Vo-Tech. There are many more memories. One’s that I will never forget.
Letting you go has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I had been away for three weeks because of the Sweden trip. That was 21 days without your smile, or your hugs or your laugh. It hurt so much to think that I missed all those chances to tell you how beautiful you were and that you were my little baby (even though you’re older than me). I’m sorry that I was gone for so long. I will never understand why God never gave me the chance to see your beautiful face one last time. But now my ultimate goal is the same as yours. To be accepted into the gates of heaven. Not for the sake of my own soul, but to see you again. So that we can talk about boys, pass the soccer ball around, laugh at my clumsiness and laugh about silly things. Never have I ever had a friend as unique and caring as you. It is a shame that you died after helping someone. We all miss you more than you could ever imagine. But I thank God that you were in my life. And I thank you for giving me strength on that Monday after Daisia and Mikayla died. I know that it was your spirit that kept me strong.
I am still heartbroken that you aren’t here. I go to your grave hoping that no one will be there so that they don’t think I've lost my mind when I talk to you. Graduation was one of the hardest things to go through and you not being there made everything worse. In my head I hoped that God allowed you to be there, to see how much we miss and love you. I have to thank you for that beam of sunlight you shined on me when I was crying at your grave. It felt like one of your hugs all over again. And any scientist can say that it was just some coincidence that that happened but I’ll believe what I want. When I see your picture I still fall into a realm of disbelief. Do me a favor and look over me as I go on with life. There will be times I know that I will miss you so much that it will be to much and the tears will come. Please just shine that sunlight on me again, just so that I can know that you’re there. I’ll never forget you Luz. Number 12 and 21 for forever.
Love forever,
Mary
