To Whom It May Concern,

Over the past six months, I thought my life was crumbling before my eyes.

I became the self-loathing, self-deprecating human that I despised. I looked in the mirror and didn’t see myself anymore. There were days where I wouldn’t leave my bed, wouldn’t eat, and would certainly sleep more than the suggested amount. Let me quickly remind you that I’m not seeking pity, I went through shit. I got through shit, and I’m stronger because of it all. However, I will never disregard the struggle that I went through over this time. That struggle changed me. It made me realize the importance of life and love and those around you. I was constantly seeking the person that I used to be and that was my problem. I don’t want to be the person I used to be, even if that was the person that he used to love. Getting back there would do me no good. She would not know to appreciate the hardship, but want to forget it. She would not accept the fact that every day will be hard, but each day a little less hard than the one before.

There were more self-deprecating days than I feel proud to admit, and even more days where I questioned my purpose, self-worth and future. I could talk all day on the contributing factors as to why I went from a happy-go-lucky, organized and careful individual to an anxiety-stricken mess who developed the best “fake it until you make it” attitude I’ve ever seen, but it wont get me anywhere. I’d rather talk about the moment I realized that I had stopped loving myself to love someone else.

I’d rather remind you all that the most important person, the one that will not and cannot ever leave you, is yourself.

Neglecting that person, the only one who is truly there through it all, is a disservice to your wellbeing. I learned this so quickly as I became someone I didn’t recognize anymore. My mental health suffered, as did my physical health. My body hated me and my mind had the same attitude. I lost passion for the things and people I cared about and turned into someone that I never wanted to be.

If I could give myself a pep talk six months ago, here is exactly what I would say:

You will be fine. Not just the kind of fine everyone talks about, but the kind of fine that you will grow to love. Your heart is going to hurt but you will get through it and grow from it. You will come back stronger, wiser and a little happier than before.

Self-loathing is unhealthy. You are beautiful. Your body is beautiful and your mind is the best piece of you. Stop comparing yourself to whomever you heard was in his bed that week. Just because he doesn’t love you, doesn’t mean that there aren’t countless people that do, and just because it’s not in the same way he did, doesn’t mean that it’s any less. Stop believing that you are the exception to the rule. You are not and he is not. Things truly do happen for a reason, and not in the cliché way that you read on an inspirational book cover, but in the real life way. Jealousy is unattractive, and being spiteful is even worse. Don’t go out of your way to make others unhappy because it truly doesn’t make you any happier. You will still be lonely and you will still be sad, whether others are hurting or not. Do not let him talk his way back into your life. No matter how many times he says he misses you or how many texts he sends. Just don’t do it. MOVE ON. Not in the sense of finding someone else to love, but in the way of finding out how to love yourself again. Time is not stopping because you’re hurt. Life is going by and you’re missing out.

We all experience that hindsight is 20-20 at some point in our lives. We all wish we could do or say things differently, and we all wish we would’ve known something a little sooner. However, I’m here to say that regardless of how much we seek a redo, sometimes life happens and it sucks, but we learn. I’m growing to appreciate that concept now more than ever. I’m here to tell you that you’re the only one that can truly fulfill your happiness. Don’t seek someone else for that. Don’t look to material things or for that. Look inside yourself and ask the hard questions- the one’s that you’re afraid to answer.

By no means am I enamored with the person I am today, but I’m getting there. And when I am ready to let someone else into my life, I’ll know how much he or she should love me. Because it will be equivalent to how much I’ve learned to love myself.

Sincerely,

Someone Who’s Still Learning