A Thank You Letter To Carson Daly

Courage does not always roar, sometimes it's the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow". Mary Anne Radmatcher

Dear Carson Daly,

I bet you didn't realize how much of an impact your story would make on this world. I bet you didn't think that talking about your anxiety disorder would bring people out of darkness. I bet you didn't know that you would be considered a hero for so many. I bet you didn't know that I had an anxiety disorder. I bet you didn't know any of that, yet you still made a courageous decision to share your life with the world.

Since I was 3, I have suffered from anxiety. At times, it has debilitated me to the point of missing school for nearly 2 weeks. Other times, I can ignore it and move on with my day. Feeling alone during those times is an understatement. I look around the room and try to ground myself; but when the whole world is moving at lightning speed, it's nearly impossible to find safety. You know how that feels.

I often turn on the television to ease my anxious mind, but everyone seems to be effortlessly confident. No jitters, no stomach aches, no sweaty palms, no racing hearts, no fidgeting, just pure confidence. You shared your behind the scenes story, and it changed me. I no longer watch television hoping to see someone that feels the way I do. I watch television praying that their confidence can roar above their fears; just like yours.

You referenced the sabertooth tiger that stares at you sometimes. For years I have tried to find the analogy that best fits my panic attacks. I often say that it feels like my stomach is dropping as if I were going down a big hill or that I am in a body of water and can't touch the bottom. While those are true, it's not always exactly what I'm feeling.

Sometimes the sabertooth tiger is the phone when it's ringing, but I don't want to answer it. Sometimes the sabertooth tiger is a room full of people that I can't walk into. Sometimes the sabertooth tiger is a person. Sometimes the sabertooth tiger is just a thought that I can't get out of my head. You perfectly described my indescribable mind.

You don't know who I am. Frankly, I don't watch your shows often or put much thought into your life. Until last week, I wasn't your number one fan. Until last week, I wasn't interested in your life. Until last week, you weren't one of my heroes.

You don't understand how much of an impact you made on my life. Thank you for being courageous, thank you for speaking up, thank you for being a light to so many living in darkness.

With a newfound courage,

Another Anxious Mind