I used to hate the entire holiday season, Christmas especially. I was often depressed and unhappy, and the holidays only served to make me more miserable. Somehow, the constant emphasis on joy only highlighted my lack of it. I endured the festivities, parties and joyful noise of everyone around me. I could even pretend to join in, but it was always fake and temporary. It was merely an act to get me through the day.

As someone who formerly dealt with an eating disorder, the holidays also created extreme anxiety. Parties and celebrations always required extensive planning. “Will I eat at this party?” “Who will be at this gathering who might notice if I don’t eat?” “How long will I have to go without a meal to make up for eating at this get-together?” Sometimes I would act like I didn’t care and eat like a normal person, but guilt and shame always followed any indulgence around holiday sweets or food.

With these thoughts running through my brain, I suppose it’s no surprise that I dreaded every aspect of the food-centered holidays. In addition, being off of school and frequently at home around my family provided less opportunities for skipping meals. Normally I could tell my friends I had eaten at home and vice versa, but there was no hiding during the holiday break.

Being already in a state of despondency and often hopelessness, there seemed to be a pressure to put on a happy face and blend in with everyone else. Although I knew logically that the holidays were hard for many people (whether it be monetarily or otherwise), the constant messages and songs of happiness, peace and joy only made me feel worse. When everyone expected a cheerful heart and a song on the lips, I faked it. And when I was alone, I felt the contrast between my mask and the truth. I felt it, and I felt it painfully.

With all the emphasis on life, family and happiness, everything can feel very hopeless. For people who don’t have happy homes, it can seem like everyone is enjoying family time together except for them. For people who experience depression, it feels like a dark rain cloud hovers solely over them. For individuals with eating disorders, there’s a wall separating them and people who are “normal” about food during the holidays. Overall, there is a feeling of pervasive isolation and loneliness.

So during this season, don’t forget the people who are fighting their own inner battles. Be honest about the things that are difficult during the holidays. It can go a long way towards shattering the perfect images that people dealing with mental health problems project onto everyone else.

If you are struggling with depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, self-harm or an eating disorder, please tell someone and seek help. As someone who spent years in a cycle of sadness and hopelessness, I can say that on the other side of recovery lies a very real peace. There is indeed joy and contentment to be found during the holidays. Don’t believe the lies of loneliness and isolation. There is life to be lived, and it is worth living.