To say that there is not one person in the world that wouldn't change a single characteristic of their body or appearance if given the opportunity would be a complete sham, and I am not here to feed you fabrications of reality. Instead, I'm going to let you in on a little secret: Even the most body-positive individuals in the world have these thoughts encircling their brains sometimes. We, as a society, have established and defined the opposites in our culture. We have instituted the do's and don't's of everyday mannerisms. We have constructed our ideal standard of beauty, what is acceptable and unacceptable. Yet, there is no gold standard on genetics, as every cell of your body is uniquely constructed to create the masterpiece that is you. But really, science is true whether you decide to believe it or not.
My entire life I have struggled with the concept of loving myself. Throughout my life, if others didn't already pick on my appearances on a daily routine, I would bully every remaining inch of my body that I felt didn't deserve my respect. I've never truly been able to point out one physical characteristic of myself that I liked, or at least didn't completely hate. My body has never been healthy, and I've never not been overweight or "the fat girl." Since my early childhood, these have been my realities.
Throughout my life, I've tried every possible route to turn my life around, develop healthy habits, and lose weight, and as a society, we often judge girls that don't look like supermodels on the covers of magazines because we view people like me differently. Society labels girls like me as "lazy," "slobs," "pigs," and just about every other degradation and excuse imaginable. I also would like to note that guys experience these struggles in their own ways, too and that the way society treats the bodies of both men and women really aren't too different. Although lifestyle choices play a major role in determining the shapes and sizes of our bodies, genetics, medical conditions, financial circumstances, family dynamics, and a combination of a multitude of factors all play into our appearances and often become overlooked.
Now, I'm also not here to tell you a sob story about my life or the issues created by our society, though it is crucial to note that body positivity issues have become increasingly more prominent throughout society, and rising suicide rates are highly due to these issues. However, I am here to show you the bigger picture: Self-love. But self-love goes far beyond accepting the skin you're in; self-love encompasses the many aspects of yourself that make you complete and typically tend to overlook.
Believe it or not, every thought racing through your mind, every emotion and sensation you experience, and every concept you perceive of both your inner and outer worlds ultimately stems from your psyche. Both consciously and unconsciously, your psyche memorizes the various patterns and reactions experienced by your very own words and actions. And simply put, the only entity that will be your companion throughout your life until the end is the little voice in your head.
To love yourself, you have to accept even the darkest parts of you. You must recognize the apparent self-deprecating criticisms of yourself. You must accept your thought-process, your intelligence, and your talent. You must admire your strangest tendencies and your unique interests. Be okay with the fact that your favorite color is midnight black. Love the fact that you can recite verbatim the entire script of every Harry Potter movie. Don't beat yourself up about the fact that your strong suit isn't mathematics. Find comfort in the fact that you are so immensely considerate of others' feelings that you experience their emotions as if they were your own. It's okay to care about what other people think, so as long as you don't allow your identity to be traded for the remnants of others. In fact, caring about others' thoughts and emotions allow for your own personal self-reflection, permitting self-improvement in areas you may not fully recognize yourself.
Loving yourself means accepting the unknown, the undiscovered pieces of yourself, shifting and developing into the identity that is you. It's okay to ask for help; there is no shame in granting yourself the opportunity to learn and grow. It's alright to not know the answers to the questions others pose. To be indecisive, to be unsure of how to process your feelings, to not clearly label every inch of your soul, is perfectly okay, but only if you truly believe it to be.
Behind loving yourself is the uncomfortable truth that your self-love must be believable to your psyche, and, in turn, you must accept the reality that self-love takes more than complimenting yourself in the mirror dozens of times. Loving yourself takes time, effort, even emotional strength. You are guaranteed not to wake up tomorrow morning loving every ounce of yourself after reading this article. Methods for learning to love yourself vary from identity to identity. Allowing yourself to indulge in long-lost hobbies may work for you, while taking it upon yourself to reach 10,000 steps every day may help someone else. You have to accept that you might need to seek help, attend therapy sessions, and put yourself out there in ways that may challenge your pre-existing anxieties and insecurities.
The road toward loving yourself isn't sunshine and rainbows, and it isn't like the faulty self-love epiphanies you watch in thirty-minute sitcoms on your television. It is the brutal honesty with your demons at four in the morning ordering your wakefulness and bathing you in insecurities about the day ahead. It is the Snapchat selfie you took moments after trying on that questionable outfit you consciously set to three seconds, so your friends know you're still alive and well but not comfortable enough to allow them to go shopping with you. It is finding enough courage to face your self-directed hate, even if it causes you pain because you recognize that there isn't enough room to love yourself with so much pain bottled up inside you. Because, as hate is merely a recitation by your psyche, you can learn to love yourself the same way.
