Change is a process. It is not instantaneous. One does not become a butterfly overnight.

I’ve always been that person who expects results immediately; I had no patience to wait around for things to change. I think that’s partially why I always liked to pick up and go from place to place. Once I finished at a certain school, I’d pick up and start at a new one, completely able to change who I was because no one there had ever known me. Even though I always went and changed things about myself, I constantly wished I was still someone different than who I was.

I was a quiet, chubby bookworm, with anxiety from head to toe. I always wanted to be the person that other people flocked to because they were social and could talk to just about anyone. I wanted to have the confidence of 1 million Miss Americas. I wanted the social abilities of every socialite in Hollywood. But that just wasn’t who I was, and I think it’s because I was too busy constantly trying to please everyone, that I didn’t have time to dedicate to changing myself to who I wanted to be. I left for my first year of college with determination to be honest to myself, and not lose myself trying to get other people to like me. It took a while, but I finally got to where I wanted to be.

I used to be really quiet, and I had the worst time talking to strangers, or voicing my opinion on something I was actually really passionate about. As college started, I began to push myself further and further out of my comfort zone. It would be little things at first, like deciding to smile at each person I passed that day, or talking to someone in one of my classes that I normally wouldn’t say hi to. Eventually, I’d start raising my hand more, or just calling out jokes in my classes, but only if I decided it was really funny. I’d decide to not cancel plans to go on a date, that would eventually turn into the best relationship I’ve ever been in. Then, I started to try asking for help if I was having trouble in my classes, and going to events on campus, things I never allowed myself to do. I’d started to strike up random conversations with people in my halls, or randomly visit some people on the third floor. And the best thing about all of it, was that I was actually a lot happier than I had once been with myself.

I’m going into my sophomore year of college this fall, and I’m really excited. I’ve made a lot of little changes this past year that have accumulated into a whole big change that made me into the person I wanted to be, and I’m still making progress in changing myself. I never thought I’d be able to strike up a conversation with a random person, let alone take a leadership position that required me to do so on a daily basis. This past summer, I was a camp counselor, and this school year, I’m going to be a resident assistant. I’m going to have an important role on campus, which is going to require me to continuously do things that were once completely out of my comfort zone, and I’m actually ready to do all of these things. The past year has been one of incremental change. Each week was something new, and I can’t wait to see what changes this next year brings.

Remember that change is a process, things aren’t always going to change overnight. It can take a lot of time for you to even notice that a change is happening. It took me a long time to realize that I was happier than I used to be, which also included realizing I hadn’t been nervously biting my nails anymore, which was kind of a big deal to me. I always bit my nails when I was anxious, so they never really grew and I always hid my hands in sweaters or in my pockets. Now I’m constantly filing them because they grow so long and I keep chipping them.

We get so frustrated when things don’t change right away, or if we mess up; It is really discouraging, but you can’t let that stop you. Keep your eyes on the goal, and everything else will fall in place behind you. You will be so consumed in the progress, you won’t even realize how long the journey actually was.