I have accepted the fact that we are not good for each other. I have accepted the fact that we rushed into things and that being "just friends" is near to impossible. I now come to think that some people follow their head, some follow their gut and some follow their heart. My head knows I made the right decision, but my heart is still hurting from it. Not a day goes by where I do not think about you or wonder how you are doing. Sometimes throughout the day, I catch myself over-analyzing what had happened to us and I usually feel a tear slowly rush down my cheek.

But in case you were wondering, I am doing fine. I do not cry myself to sleep anymore and that pit of anxiety that was once inside of me constantly worrying about you has diminished. I feel healthier, more mature and ready to focus on myself because it is much needed. Don't get me wrong, I still miss everything about you. I miss your smile, your dimples, your laugh, your smell, your charm and so many more characteristics that make you who you are.

I can go on and on about the amazing fun times we shared and how special you made me feel, but if I am being honest with myself, I fell apart trying to give all of myself to you. Some things were just not reciprocated. Fighting personal problems while in a relationship can either make or break it. It broke us.

Every day gets a little easier. I almost feel as if I was addicted to a drug and I am weaning myself off of it. I try to fill up all the empty time I now have. I go to the gym, work more hours and hang out with my friends that I very much missed. Although I am starting to feel like myself again, I am not 100% over you. I have not 100% moved on and I do not understand why moving on is so difficult. The thought of never spending anymore time with you, or hugging you, or just being there for you hurts so bad I cannot bring myself to describe that pain.

Just as I was feeling good again and trying to accept what had happened, I saw you. I saw you walking with a group of friends. It's funny how fate works. If I would have left the gym five minutes earlier or later, I would not have seen you. But when I did, my legs went numb and my head dropped down because I did not want you to see me. I find it almost hilarious how this happened on Valentine's Day which made matters worse.

If we didn't share such great times together, connected so well and if you weren't my first love, I'd be over you by now. I probably would not even be writing this. Sometimes I think I regret even meeting you, but I don't. You were something special that came into my life at such an unexpected time. Even though there are things I regret doing, this is not entirely my fault. It is incredible how close you can be with someone one second and a million miles apart the next. Moving on is something that is not easy to do, but by writing this open letter the process becomes easier.