It took me a while to learn that I was, in fact, an introvert. My whole life I have been a social butterfly and very extroverted. I loved being around people and making new friends. From first through eighth grade I was in every talent show, and tried out for every lead role in our plays. When I got into high school I continued this path of theatre and love of the spotlight. I was in choir and marching band and my love for music and acting fueled my everyday life.
Slowly I started realizing that people aren’t so nice. I was bullied for the first half of my freshman year heavily and then on and off for the next four years of my high school life. It was entirely awful. Everyone said that high school was the best four years of your life and even until the day I graduated I didn’t understand it. Because of these miserable four years, losing people who I thought were my friends, cutting people out of my life, gaining new friends, rekindling old friendships, I just learned that being around people isn’t what I enjoy. All the time.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not a shut in that stays in her bed all day. That’s only when Grey's Anatomy is on reruns. I enjoy being around people, and I have a handful of close friends that I love more than anything. For me, I need to be alone to recharge my battery. My room at home is like my safe space. Whenever I need to be alone it is easy to just go upstairs and turn on some Netflix. When I got to college I had to learn how to live with another person in my space. I never really connected the dots that my room and my time alone helped me be the social butterfly that I am. When I started having another person constantly around it was a major adjustment.
My anxiety plays a big part in this I am sure of it. Being around people for extended amounts of time becomes exhausting. When I finally get to be alone it is like someone lifting a weight off my shoulders. Being in my dorm room with another person really started to get at me. My anxiety rose severely in the beginning weeks of college and not getting to be alone in my room was very stressful. I could often leave my room and go to be alone, or my roommate would have work or activities going on and would often leave, but not knowing when she would be back got annoying. I hated having my safe space interrupted by another person. This didn’t even click with me until the first full month of college had passed.
Realizing that my room was in fact where I felt safe and where I needed to recharge was why I decided to move out this week. I got a room by myself in a different hall and it was probably the best decision I could’ve made. I don’t think having a roommate is just something I can do. Having anxiety really causes problems, ones I never expected to have. This being one of them. Having anxiety, I have also learned a lot about myself as a person. Becoming self-aware is an amazing thing. I learned that I am very introverted, and that’s okay.
