Anyone who is about to experience their first holiday without a loved one is probably having a hard time understanding whether to be excited about the holiday or whether to dread it. Our loved one wont be there, and it will be the first time where we will begin to understand that they are really gone. This memory, tradition, and annual event, will forever be changed and this holiday is the start of many to come. How should we deal with it? Well, thats a good question, and it's about to be my first time ever having to experience it too, so I'm right with you. Here are a few things I'm going to try that will hopefully make the pain more manageable.

1. Surround yourself with the people who were by your side when it happened, and who are still there. Whether this is a best friend, a boyfriend or girlfriend, or a family member, remember that they were there with you from the beginning. If they are still there with you now, they truly do care. They didn't just send a quick sympathy text when they found out about the tragedy, but they really invested by caring and loving you through this entire process.

2. Mix it up a little bit. Whether that means going somewhere new, changing the menu, changing who says the blessing, maybe that's the best. With something new going on, it might help let go of the way that things used to be, and begin accepting the way that things will be from now on.

3. Help out. Do things that maybe you wouldn't have done in years past. Now with only one set of hands in the kitchen instead of two, helping in the smallest way will take off a whole lot of stress from your parent. If being in the kitchen isn't "your thing" (or you will burn the turkey if you step foot in the kitchen), maybe help clean around the house as a way of taking one extra thing off of the list of things to do in preparation. Things are different now, and you have had to grow up a lot in the past few months, I know. Again, don't dwell on the fact that you have never had to help before, but start getting in the rhythm of the way that things will begin to look like.

4. Allow yourself to think about it. Allow yourself to cry. Allow people to help you. Even though you don't want to sit in your sorrows all holiday, forcing yourself to not think about it won't do you any good either. During the blessing before Thanksgiving dinner, take a moment to remember. Remember the years with them. Remember the life that they had, and how beautiful it was. That is good, that is healthy, that is normal. Don't repress your feelings, because eventually they will catch up with you and it's better to just let them come when they need to.

5. Remember that you are strong. Remember that you are loved. Remember that there will be bad days, but that the good days are to come too. You are so strong, and have been through more than a lot of other people at your age have been through at this point in their life. You aren't going through this alone. Never get mad at yourself for getting upset at moments. Allow yourself to remember. Allow yourself to accept change. Allow yourself to be happy, and to enjoy this holiday as much as you possibly can.

I know that there are no magical words to numb this pain or to fill the absence of your loved one, but I hope that in this holiday season, you are able to still feel the love and joy that you once felt. It will be in a different way, and it will be hard to adjust to, but now is the time we begin.

Here's to a lifetime of new traditions. Here's to our loved ones who will be dearly, dearly missed during this first holiday without them and the holidays to come.