When you least expect it:
It doesn't hit the day you find out about the cancer.
It doesn't hit you while you hold their hand in the hospital. It doesn't hit you in the silent drive back and forth to the hospital. It doesn't hit you when they recommend hospice. It doesn't hit you on the day you find him not breathing. It doesn't hit on the day of the funeral. It's doesn't even hit when the crowd surrounds you after. It doesn't hit you a month or two later.
It hits you on the random Monday afternoon when you had the best day and you pick up your phone to call them.
It hits you when it rains. It hits you on the day you can't figure out how to fix your door. It hits you when you're heading to lunch and want a lunch date. It hits you when you made a good grade and want to hear "I'm proud of you, honey." It hits you when you hear the random song you listened to once on your way home from the hospital. It hits you when you're trying to figure out who is going to walk you down the aisle on your wedding day.
People who haven't experienced the type of heartbreak that makes you feel like you got punched in the face and stomach at the same, just don't understand.
They think the hardest time is the month during and after, truth be told, normally the first year after and then every single year after.
You learn the manage with the brokenness that life gave you.
You learn how to breathe again. You learn the cry behind closed doors. You learn to face the fact everyone else has forgotten about that loved one. You learn to fake a smile when people ask you about your life. You learn to keep yourself busy. You learn to let yourself crash when needed. You learn to enjoy the smallest, yet sweetest, memories without that special person.
People don't tell you that death changes people.
Death changes people's hearts. Death changes people's perspective. There is no explainable way for people to mend the brokenness of your heart.
Just remember these four little things:
1. Time doesn't heal you.
There is no special amount of days, months, or years that will suddenly make you feel that sense of "normal" again. You eventually learn what this next chapter of life is supposed to teach you.
2. It won't all be okay.
You get to process how YOU feel like you need to process. Life isn't OK. You're allowed to feel that brokenness. Just remember, at some point, you have to learn to breathe again.
3. You are loved.
After death, people don't know the right words to say or how to support you. So many people love you and would do anything to help. When you're ready, let them love you. Learn to express how and what you need help with, even if that means you need a coffee date or a five-minute phone call to vent.
4. Be grateful.
Death teaches you life is so short. You must be grateful for the memories. Be grateful for what life has given you. (The good, bad and ugly.)
