I’ve never been the top of my class. I’ve always been in the 75th percentile, but never the top.

I’ve never been an MVP in any sport. I was on the varsity level, but I was never the best.

I’ve never been the most talented. I’ve won awards, but there’s always someone who wins more. I’ve never been the prettiest, the smartest, the most skilled, the hardest worker, the most well-known, the most accomplished, the wealthiest, or the bravest. My entire life I’ve always been above average in almost everything I do, but I’ve never been the best. While at first this may seem like I’m complaining, the real reason I’m writing about this is to share what I’ve learned from being simply "above average."

My entire life, I was always pushed to go above and beyond. Never have I taken the route that would’ve made things much easier on myself; instead, I was trained to always take the route that meant I was challenging my abilities and my sense of self. Though I know now that my family never expected me to be the best-- they simply wanted me to do my best-- while growing up it always felt as though I needed to push myself until I was at the top. While I now appreciate the drive and self-discipline that this attitude cultivated, at the time it put immense levels of stress on me. I would try, I would get somewhere, but never would I reach my goal of being the best one out there. Aloneness and a strong state of feeling constantly overwhelmed eventually caused me to collapse in my freshman year of college when my anxiety finally made itself known. I thought it was because I couldn’t handle the stress of all the things I needed to do to be successful. I thought it showed my weakness.

I was wrong.

It wasn’t until recently that I came to terms with the fact that goals don’t have to put you above everyone else. My collapse wasn’t because I couldn’t handle the work, it was because I couldn’t handle the expectations I had for myself. I’m the sort of person who hates being told that everyone has their own version of success. To me, that sounds like I’m being told that I shouldn’t be more proud for all the hard work I’ve done. It makes it seem as though my accomplishments are equal to someone who has only attained a high school diploma, with not much ambition for the future. Though I’m extremely proud of everyone who goes out there and tries to accomplish their own goals, whatever those goals may be, I also don’t personally want my accomplishments belittled by being told that all accomplishments are equal. This may sound condescending or elitist, but my view on this issue is very simple: you get out of life what you put into it. If you don’t try or don’t work as hard as other people, you won’t get the same rewards.

In fact, it’s this mindset that has always driven me to keep pushing, to keep trying to be better than I was before. Though I understand the drawbacks of thinking in this way, I’ve come to realize that this is who I am. I only feel like myself when I’m pushing myself harder than I think I can go; when I’m prepared and on top of things, even if that means feeling stressed out or overwhelmed. The point I’m making with this drawn-out anecdote is that it’s okay to not be the best in the outside world, as long as you’re giving everything you’ve got for yourself.

I’m sharing this story with all of you because I want you to know this: you can’t always be the best. No matter what you’re doing, no matter how good you are, there will always be someone who’s better— and this is okay. You don’t have to be disappointed, you don’t have to feel like you’re not good enough. You are good enough, you have worked hard enough, and the only reason you should try harder is so that you can feel better about yourself and who you are. One of the best lessons I’ve learned in life is that you should never try to accomplish anything for external reasons. The only reason you should you should ever try to accomplish anything is so that you’re happy with yourself and you know that this is who you are and what you want to be doing.

With that being said, I implore you to try harder. I challenge you to challenge yourself, if only so you can see what you’re actually capable of. One of the greatest joys you’ll experience is the act of surprising yourself, of accomplishing something that you had no idea you could do. However, this will only happen if you choose to take the risk and try. While you can never fail if you don’t try, neither can you succeed. Disappointment comes in many forms and the worst disappointment is knowing that things could have been different if you had only done something about it. Though this isn’t to say that you won’t or shouldn’t make mistakes, or that you won’t have times where you slip and fall, it is to say that if you do make mistakes or find yourself falling you’ll pick yourself up and do what you think will make you better in the future. Follow your instincts. Try something that scares you. And remember, you’re only not the best when you know you could’ve done more to make yourself happy.