I was about 16 years old when I was diagnosed with depression. Obviously, prior to that, I had shown symptoms of being depressed. I was moody and angry the majority of my day. I had cut most of the people out of my life and didn't have a desire to try at, well...anything. I had lost the desire to live. What was hard for me to understand at the time, was why I felt the way I did (lonely, sad, abandoned, scared, angry, etc.). After being diagnosed, I started to take an antidepressant so I wouldn't feel so terrible all the time.
I eventually learned that this disorder is absolutely, in no way, my fault. I, for some reason, thought that I had done something so horribly wrong, that I was 'cursed' with feeling depressed for all of eternity. Luckily, that isn't the case. Depression runs in my family, and I just so happened to have this blessing in disguise. For a while after feeling myself again, I started to think deeply why I, of all people, have depression. I came to the conclusion that God wants me to take what I've been through and help other people who may experience the same thing.
I learned that when things seem to go in the worst possible direction, that there is always someone to help. I was too emotionally blind to see that there were so many people that cared for me, but I should have. I realized that after hurting for so long I am literally surrounded by people who would do anything for me. Once I had understood that, I wish I had sooner.
The most important thing I learned is that I am not alone in this journey. Actually, there's more than 15 million Americans who have experienced the same thing I have. Of course, I hate knowing that there are people who feel as unhappy as I did, but at the same time, it's wonderful knowing that I don't have to deal with depression on my own, but just the exact opposite.
Now, I'm almost 20 years old and I'm enjoying life more than ever. I don't think I've ever felt this happy ever, in my life. The thing is, I wouldn't be feeling this happy if it weren't for my medication. I feel that my medicine had a big part to do with where I am in life too. It doesn't make my problems go away, but it makes me feel happier.
