What I Learned From The Coach Who Forgot Me

What I Learned From The Coach Who Forgot Me

What broke me, made me.
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Despite your best efforts, my love for the sport lives on. I do not want to sound disrespectful, but after all, that’s how you treated me. I’ve chosen my words carefully because I still respect you. Everyone saw you as a loveable person and a family man, and I used to, as well. So why was I ousted? What did I do to you?

I don’t know if it was revenge at the previous coach or an already burning hate for me, but sophomore year, you threw me on JV after playing varsity the year before. I am a humble person, but even that was a very humbling experience. I did as I was told and fell into line. Eventually, I clawed my way back to varsity after refusing to be brought down, and even then, you stuck me in defense when I had been training for attack. I was the first to jump up whenever you needed a sub, and if it was any position except defense, you acted like I wasn’t there. It was not until the captain finally said, “We need an attack sub, just let her play!” that you even considered the idea.

Junior year, you shut me down emotionally, and it felt like I wasn’t a part of the team. I finally got to play my position, but if anything went wrong, that was on me, and I was sure to get yelled at for it. Once, you yelled so loud my parents heard your hateful words in the stands. Then, when I got a concussion in the first 15 minutes of a game, you never even saw me get hit, so I played the rest of the varsity game. Finally, when I was able to pull myself from play, you told me to sit down, never to go see a trainer or a doctor. Still, I showed up to the practices and the games while anxiously waiting to play after being released from a minor concussion. At practice, you threatened to kick me off the team, in front of my teammates, for wanting to run a lap. When my parents and I went to talk to you, you said “We (the team) just don’t have the talent to be good.” Gee, thanks for saying that to someone who had been playing for five years and had worked their a** off to better the team and to impress you. After the meeting, you continued to say to the other coaches present how much of a pain I am.

Senior year, I organized the fall conditioning only for you to pull that away from me and bestow it on another girl who you named as captain. I was shocked, not because I didn’t get captain, but because you said that the seniors, as a group, would be the captains. Regular season finally showed up, and you came to me and said, “I want you to teach all the new players to pass, shoot and catch like you do.” This was the first thing you said to me all year. It was like I didn’t exist, and you never said so much as a hello before that day. You finally decided you needed me, and I’m sure it hurt for you to realize that. I shared my tips and tricks with the team, not because you asked but for their own benefit. I came back with a new motto senior year: to play for myself because I love the game. When you realized you couldn’t break me, that I had only gotten better and better, only then did you start remembering me, you started saying “give Megan the ball, let her score.”

I had the best season ever, and I owe it all to me. I didn’t let you tear me down, I didn’t let you destroy our team and I didn’t stop being myself. I found another “coach,” the father of one of my good friends on the team, and he kept me from getting comfortable, he made me shoot left-handed and try new plays. So thank you for forgetting about me. The fire of your hate for me only drove me to be better than you or I could’ve imagined. Like metal, I got stronger as I was tempered with fire. I don’t forgive you, but that’s OK because I have grown from it, and I am so much more than all the flaws you saw in me.

Cover Image Credit: http://www.stamfordadvocate.com/highschool/article/Staples-girls-lacrosse-fends-off-Stamford-7548290.php

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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Seattle Seahawks 2019 Draft Review

This year's draft featured predictability and surprise.

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The Seattle Seahawks made a few expected and unexpected moves in the 2019 NFL Draft. With only four picks in the draft, many analysts and fans suspected that they would trade down. They did exactly that, trading their first-round selection (21st overall) to the Green Bay Packers in exchange for theirs (30th overall) along with two fourth-round picks (114th and 118th overall). However, they promptly traded their 30th selection to the New York Giants for three picks of theirs (37th, 132nd and 142th overall) and traded the remaining two picks to the Minnesota Vikings and New England Patriots, respectively. In return, they acquired New England's 64th overall selection and Minnesota's 120th and 204th overall picks. However, Seattle's most notable move was acquiring the Kansas City Chiefs' first-round selection (29th overall) while giving them star pass rusher Frank Clark.

Not many expected Ole Miss wide receiver D.K. Metcalf to fall to Seattle at pick 64 at the second round, but the Seahawks snatched him up when they realized he was still available. They also drafted two additional wide receivers in Gary Jennings Jr. and John Ursua to add depth to the position and possibly replace longtime mainstay Doug Baldwin eventually. They used their top two picks on TCU defensive end L.J. Collier (29th overall) and Utah safety Marquise Blair (47th overall) to fill needs on the defensive side of the ball after the departures of Clark and Earl Thomas, and drafted a pair of linebackers in Cody Barton and Ben Burr-Kirven as insurance for Bobby Wagner and K.J. Wright, the latter of whom will likely not be with Seattle in the long-term future.

The Seahawks have made both predictable and surprising moves in this year's draft, and we will see how they pan out after the 2019 NFL season commences in September.

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