At my freshman orientation, we were required to select a class schedule as most colleges require and certain classes had reserves on them, making sure that major specified kids were allowed in first. In order to be accepted you had to sit down with the department of said class and talk to the professor about why you were taking the course and what it meant for you. As a theatre kid, who had yet to stop denying the fact that she would eventually take up a minor in the art, was grasping at straws to keep her identity by taking Theatre 131 which was theatre appreciation.
The first thing the professor asked me when I sat down was my background in theatre. I, of course, listed off my not-so-impressive resume, but then I ended it with something along the lines of "It was all high school theatre so nothing too exciting" as I expected most of the majors at my University to have been Annie starlets since birth. It was a flippant comment I made because I didn't feel I was worthy of any praise for shows that in theory any high school student could get into. Yet the professor stopped me and asked me a question that I think about a lot. "Did it make you happy?" And of course I said yes to which he responded: "Well that's all that matters then, isn't it?" To this day, I reflect on this exchange in everything I do. It made me reevaluate many things in my life including my own perspective on life.
In a time where child prodigies are cropping up daily, it's easy to dismiss the little things in life that you enjoy. You got great marks on your evaluation? Well, Jenna got a promotion. You made a great dinner without burning anything? Well, your cousin just graduated from the Cordon Bleu. And it's not about being ungrateful either, it's simply the fact that we think our small accomplishments are worthless because they aren't the absolute best that we can be.
So where does this stem from? I think it comes from society telling us that being proud of something makes us weak and seem insensitive. It also tells us that we are conceited if we show any emotion other than a true neutral stance. Talking yourself down becomes such a force of habit that it's next to impossible to break.
'Well CJ, how do we break this vicious cycle?' Well thank you for asking faithful reader. Because that's something I'm still learning as well. It's so hard to stop ourselves from this attitude not for any reason other than the fact that we've repeated it so many times that it's a second nature to us. The way to fix ourselves is to reprogram our minds to take in the little things and rejoice in the smallest of happiness provided to us, even if these baubles are trivial.
The first step comes with recognizing that we are doing the denouncing to ourselves. Just recognizing the problem already grants you back the control you lost to your pride. The next step is to work on the reprogramming piece. If you catch yourself talking something down, stop it. Think about why this thing provides you even the smallest sliver of joy and hold onto that. Then expand on it and realize that it's not something everyone else may get to enjoy as well. It's something special and intimate to you. Even if it's something like enjoying a food. Something in your life has made this thing special for you and you alone. And hey, I love Pizza as much as the next guy, but maybe it holds a different memory for you than I. The next step is continuing this practice repeatedly until you start noticing the little things more frequently and have begun to appreciate pieces of your life that you've never even spared a second thought for. When this starts, you're on the right path.
It will take time and it may be hard, but it's important to do this as (Oh god I hate to say this, believe me) you only live once. Your life shouldn't have to be a bunch of moments you're embarrassed to tell. It should be something you want to tell everyone because your life is different and your own and a treasure. These moments create your unique and individual personality and this bit of self-love will begin to reflect in your general happiness as well. Don't be afraid to love. Be afraid to lose sight of what you find important. And most of all, don't be afraid to share these trifles, because there will be someone else who finds amusement in the same things as you do worrying about the same things as well. Start the change in yourself and it'll follow everywhere you go.
