There are some situations in your life that you can control. For instance, procrastination can be controlled through time management. You can calm your nerves for an upcoming presentation or performance by practicing, through deep breaths or listening to calming music. You can lessen feelings of anxiety caused by overwhelming tasks by writing lists and taking breaks.
But there are some situations that you cannot control.
Stress has always been my worst enemy. I’m a worrier and I get anxiety when my schedule gets too full or unmanageable. I’m also known for worrying about the situations in my life that are out of my organizational reach. The weather never listens to my wishes and I freak out when winter proves, once again, that it’s a season hog and I live in a bipolar state.
One of my friends is having money issues or family issues, and I worry if they can still pay for their college tuition, if their smile is genuine and it’s not just a face they’re putting on for my sake. My family — the people I hold most dear and think about the most — have moments of struggle and my heart quivers. I do not doubt that they’ll figure it out. My family is full of the strongest and kindest people I know. My life has been shaped by their unconditional love and wisdom. However, in the meantime, because I hold them in my heart, I am affected by the worries that bombard them and I can do nothing but support and wait.
This is not a letter to strangers to gather sympathy. It is an attempt to help those of you who feel the same way I do. Who struggle to let go of the "big things." To let them roll off of you.
If you spend your days trying to control the way the world is playing with your loved ones, you might have more luck finding a way to control which way the Earth rotates. So stop. It’s OK to care and it’s OK to reach out and offer a helping hand, but don’t think that you alone can change what is happening. You spend too much time trying to redirect the path your life or someone else’s is going on that you’ll miss the beauty that surrounds you. You’ll lose the ability to feel the warmth of the sun caressing your skin, the rain washing away your sorrow, the wind tugging at you to move on.
Worry too much and you’ll have no room to laugh or enjoy the company of your friends. You won’t notice the passion you feel when you create something beautiful — art, music, a story, a smile on a loved one’s face.
You need to focus on yourself and what you can control. This is not a selfish act. If you focus on yourself and get your stresses in order, then you can be a solid support system for others and help others who stress about your well-being.
I’m a Resident Assistant at my college, and being an RA means I have to juggle a lot of my own problems with resident issues and homework. To help us out, Residence Life on campus had us do an activity.
Grab a piece of paper and try to list at least 20 things in your life that are stressful. Flip the sheet over and split it into four sections lettered A, B, C and D. In section A, put the stressors from your list that matter and are in your control. In section B, list the stressors that don’t matter and you can control. In section C, list the stressors that matter, but you cannot control. In section D, list the stressors that don’t matter, but you cannot control.
How many things do you worry about that are out of your control? How many can you control? How many are worth the stress? Flip the paper back over and cross out the stressors that are out of your control. How much do you have left to do on your list?
As cheesy as this activity may seem, it helped me. There was something powerful about putting down on paper everything that weighed me down and visually seeing how much I actually worried about things that were out of my control. There was a sense of relief and a calm washed over me when I saw my list shrink to things I could change. Situations I could control.
I am not saying this works for everyone, but I hope it can help you become aware of the time you are wasting worrying. Aren’t you tired? I am.
Take a deep breath. Inhale all the good that is in your life and exhale what you cannot control. Remember to smile,because you are here to do more than just worry. You are here to live a life full of joy, laughter, adventure and love. Give yourself a break and treat yo’self.
