10 Things You Figure Out After Heartbreak

10 Things You Figure Out After Heartbreak

What you find out when who you thought was "The One" becomes one of the past.

296
views

Ahh, heartbreak: it's almost inevitable, and it looks different for everyone.

Despite all the different ways someone can get their heart broken, the recovery cycle seems to follow a similar pattern:

1. The "I can't be alone; I need to be with someone" phase.

2. The "I started to date someone new, but I psyched myself out" phase.

3. The "I am going to stay single forever because love sucks" phase.

4. The "I think I'm ready to try again" phase.

Throughout this long and painful process, you learn so much about yourself and about life. You grow when your heart breaks.

Here are a few of those things you find while picking up and mending those pieces back together.

1. You are unbelievably strong. 

pixabay.com

You invested so much of yourself into someone else, and now that person is gone. Even though that is painful to recognize, please realize how incredibly strong you are for still getting up every single day and living your life. Maybe it's not perfect, maybe sometimes you feel cynical, but you're still here. That alone deserves an applause.

2. There are a lot of people who you've been missing out on spending time with.

Personal Photo

Relationships take WORK. They take time, and they take a lot of it. When you were in a relationship, you probably spent most of your time with your significant other; consequently, you couldn't spend as much time with others. Whether you've been neglecting time with friends, family, or even yourself, go spend some quality time with those you're missing.

3. You are one step closer to finding the right one.

pixabay.com

Even if you never want to fall in love again, think of it this way: Each relationship teaches you more about the qualities you want (and don't want) in the person you choose to spend forever with. Each relationship teaches you how you show your love to others, and what makes you feel loved. Each mistake helps you grow, and all the hurt reminds you to never settle for less than you deserve again.

4. Actually "getting over" someone is a lot different than you expect.

You're never going to feel the way you felt before you met the one who broke your heart. You were part of each other's lives, and there's no denying that. Your heart looks different now, but that doesn't mean it's still broken.

Imagine that each time you meet someone new, you give them a piece of your heart, and they give you a piece of theirs. From that point on, the way you love has something to do with the way they love or the way someone loved them before they met you.

The one you fell in love with had an impact on your life. The experience becomes part of your story, but it doesn't have to define who you are forever. Stop running from the hurt; learn from it, and grow from it.

5. Some things will always remind you of someone. That doesn't mean you haven't moved on.

pixabay.com

There will be a song on the radio that takes you back to a summer drive. You will eat at the restaurant where you had your first date. You'll watch the movie you were watching the first time you kissed.

Just because you remember these times doesn't mean you're not over someone. It just means you have good memories with someone in your past. Moving on means you can smile and appreciate those times for what they "were" without wanting to go back to the one who hurt you.

Remember that just like times change, people change too. You will never be able to be the exact replicas of the happy couple ingrained in your memory; in fact, desperately trying to recreate that will probably do more harm than good.

6. The idea of ever falling in love again seems incredibly taxing.

www.pixabay.com

Those who experience heartbreak all ask themselves this at one point or another: "If it hurts this much when it's over, why would I ever subject myself to falling in love again?"

Then, eventually, you realize something.

You wonder what it will feel like to have someone who doesn't give up on you, someone who is always there to listen, and someone who cheers you on every single day. You imagine what it will be like to fall in love with someone who understands what it means to work hard for what you care about, to talk through the hard times, and to be transparent with you no matter what.

Sure, there's a risk, but there's also a reward. You have to decide what risks you're willing to take. Life gets awfully lonely when you go through it all by yourself.

7. Love doesn't look the same each time you fall again.

pixabay.com

After your first love breaks your heart, it's hard to realize that the next time you fall in love with someone, it won't feel the exact same.

It does feel different, though, and that's because people are different. Maybe you fell in love with someone's sense of humor the first time, but the next person you're interested in has a kind heart. Maybe you liked a guitar player, but then you fell for an athlete.

Maybe you fell in love the first time because that person made your heart skip a beat and gave you butterflies when you were near each other. Then, the next time you fell in love, it was because someone made your heart feel safe and being in each other's presence made you feel at home. Maybe the first person you fell in love with gave you a rush, but the next person gave you trust.

No two people are the exact same, so it makes sense that way you feel for them will be different. Remember that just because the feeling is different, doesn't mean it isn't love.

8. Kind hearts break hearts, too.

pixabay.com

Maybe your significant other cheated on you, abused you, or took you for granted.

Or, maybe none of those things happened. Maybe the person you fell in love with was incredibly wonderful in almost every way. Maybe you thought the relationship was next to perfect, and you don't understand why things had to end.

That's when you need to realize that something doesn't necessarily have to go wrong for a relationship to end. If you think there always has to be some dramatic and traumatizing event for two people to grow apart, then you're going to end up blaming yourself for the relationship ending when you did nothing wrong. People just decide what they choose to invest in and choose where to put their priorities.

If your relationship wasn't your significant other's priority, that doesn't mean that you are not worthy of being a priority. We are all human, and all of us have hurt people we never intended on hurting. You can't force someone to feel a certain way, no matter how much you try.

9. Someone, someday, is going to appreciate all you do like never before.

pixabay.com

You did SO much for the wrong person. Imagine what you'll do for the right one. That person will feel beyond lucky and make sure you know that.

10. You loved someone.

pixabay.com

You opened up your heart to someone. You devoted yourself to someone else. You cared for someone on such a deep level. You made memories. You were someone's accountability partner, shoulder to cry on, advice giver, and best friend. You were there for someone, at some point, more than anyone else was. YOU. DID. THAT.

That's pretty amazing that your heart is capable of that.

Don't let your heart become hardened after heartbreak. Don't let your hurt define you. Let it teach you how to love better each time you choose to try again. Give away love like you're made of it, but remember what you deserve.

Refusing to let yourself love will hurt just as much as heartbreak does. You don't have to feel the loneliness you feel now forever.

Popular Right Now

10 Reasons Why Your Girlfriend Might Be Mad At You

In a relationship it's not always sunshine and rainbows...

61
views

Relationships. It is always nice starting up a new relationship because everything is so new and exciting. You manage to think everything your significant other says or does is cute.

After a few months that happy bubble bursts, and suddenly your girlfriend is getting mad at you for all kinds of reasons.

Here are 10 reasons why your girlfriend might be mad at you:

1. You have selective hearing.

It's wonderful when your significant other conveniently forgets things you discuss or tunes you out because they are either focused on something else or they don't want to deal with whatever it is that you are talking about. You get my sarcasm here right??

2. Your texting is not the greatest.

How hard is it to pick up your phone and send a "good morning" text? Or simply respond to texts within a decent amount of time? You don't have to respond within seconds, but taking several hours to respond is annoying and makes her feel like she is not important enough to get a text back.

3. You didn't read her mind.

She's having a bad day. You assume she wants her space because of her anger, when in reality, she was hoping you would come over and comfort her. Now she's mad that you didn't come chill and be grumpy together.

4. She had a dream that you did something bad.

How dare you cheat on her with that girl in her dream?! Even though it wasn't real, she will probably wake up disgusted and hold it against you for the rest of the day.

5. You're always late.

"I'll be there at 5:00." *Arrives at 5:30. * Even when you just have plans to stay in, plans are plans. Your girlfriend probably rushed trying to get ready for you and to show up late doesn't make it seem like you respect her time.

6. She gave you options but you made the wrong choice.

Go see the latest Marvel movie or see a rom-com? Of course, you're going to pick the Marvel movie even though she really wanted to see the rom-com. Ooops.

7. The toilet seat.

…Just put the freaking seat down!!!

8. She feels underappreciated.

Sometimes in relationships we get so comfortable that we forget to make sweet gestures to show we appreciate one another.

9. One-word responses.

Nothing is more annoying than sending your significant other a text or explaining something that is basically as long as a novel and getting a one-word response like "ok" or "oh." So cool.

10. You don't make her a priority.

Sure, there is no problem with family and work being a priority in your life. What gets annoying is when you can't seem to make family, work, AND your girlfriend a priority. Make sure you aren't making her feel like she is an option or a way to pass time.


Relationships are a lot of work. Make sure you are communicating with your partner, even about the unpleasant stuff. She can't stay mad at you forever if you are genuinely trying to be the best boyfriend to her you can be!

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

5 Signs Your Boyfriend Might Be A Dirty Rotten Cheater

Now that we have Valentine's Day behind us, I finally feel comfortable bursting your precious love bubble and giving you the real tea on how all of those things you're questioning about your boyfriend are probably just signs he's cheating on you.

45
views

I just spent the last week with my jaw on the floor after the discovery that my best friend spent the better part of 2 years with a guy who was actually cheating ( a lot ) basically the entire length of their relationship. And now that we have Valentine's Day behind us, I finally feel comfortable bursting your precious love bubble and giving you the real tea on how all of those things you're questioning about your boyfriend are probably just signs he's cheating on you. If you encounter any of the following 5 signs, then girl you better get the hell outta dodge.

1. You NEVER get the invite to family gatherings.

Holidays

Brunch with the fam? He's not calling you. Christmas Eve at Aunt Sheryl's? He's not calling you. His sister's birthday party? He's definitely not calling you. It may not seem like a big deal at first, but if he has met your mom, your dad, and your cousins and still isn't inviting you to come along, it's probably because he doesn't want his mom to get confused that he had a totally different girl over last week.

2. He can't stand you being anywhere near his phone.

Cheater's Phone

I would think this one is an obvious red flag, but you'd be surprised how many people believe guys who say they just want you to "respect their privacy." If he is constantly texting, snapping and shoving his phone into his pocket immediately after hitting that lock screen, you may very well be in for a world of hurt. If it's going off at 2 AM, well girl, I shouldn't have to say more to convince you he's cheating.

3. You rarely go out in public.

Dating

I know, I know, he's told you a hundred times that he's just a homebody and would rather be snuggled up watching "Catfish" with you than going out anywhere, but that's probably because he is just scared you guys will run into his other girlfriend. If you do end up going out, it's always out of town or something loud and crowded like a concert where you guys would be hard to spot.

4. He NEVER wants to post about you two on social media.

Cell Phone

He says stuff like "Oh, I just don't feel the need to publicize our love." or maybe "I have a crazy ex and I don't want her to harass you online." Those are both actually just lies. What he really wants to say is "I just don't want evidence and time stamps of our relationship in case I get caught." The best is when they tell you about how they like girls who are off the grid. Sounds like a cheater to me...

5. He's constantly accusing you of cheating.

Accusing

Most girls I know will chalk this up to him just being a jealous guy. But let me tell you something honey, nothing makes you more paranoid than a guilty conscious. If every time you two argue, it divulges into him saying he's not sure if he can trust you or that you have too many guy friends or that he wonders what you're doing on nights without him, well he's probably just manifesting his own fears.

There are no promises here that he is definitely cheating, and if you really trust your man then more power to you. But if any of these signs had you thinking about your own relationship, then I highly recommend that you move on to the next one girl. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, even fish who won't cheat on you!

Related Content

Facebook Comments