It's been a week exactly since the day "we" became "me." And I'm tired. I'm tired in so many ways. I'm tired because in the total of 56 hours of sleep I was supposed to get since then, I've probably got 6 of them. I'm tired of seeing myself struggle while being forced to watch you be fine. I'm tired of being sad over you because, in all honesty, you don't deserve the ability to make and keep me sad. I'm tired of finding out that everything you told or promised me was a lie. I'm tired of trying so hard to keep you from being mad when you have no reason to be in the first place. But above all else I'm tired of, the thing I absolutely cannot stand being accused of: I'm tired of being seen as the bad guy.

I tried to love you. I tried to love all of you. I tried to take my most treasured pieces of you and press them like flowers between the pages of my favorite book. I tried to take all the scraps, the parts you didn't like within yourself, and display them on my wall to show you I was still so proud of the person you were, and the person you were becoming. I tried to spin you like a globe and drag my finger across until you stopped spinning and discover the bits of you that you've yet to reveal to anyone else. I tried to love you. And it was exhausting.

And now I know that when you try that hard to do something and fail at it, you will miss that person. Regardless of how nicely or how badly you treated me and how long or little I had you, I still miss you. And I wanted you to be the one to comfort me. I want to know why you did this to me and why I feel so numb that I have to check if my heart is even beating. But the truth is I will have to be the one who stitches the wounds back together and I will have to be the one who cleans the waterfall of tears that have stained my cheeks.

I will have to learn that no matter how much I have wished for you to come back that the brightest stars in my universe are already dead in light years and I will have to be the one who fixes the gears of my own contraption. Because I am the only one who can swim when I notice I'm starting to drown.

So if you never talk to me again, I think I will understand. I know twelve months ago when I was crying into your chest, you promised you weren't going anywhere. But I also know that sometimes it snows in the middle of April or weeds grow in the middle of a rose garden. So if I understand that, I must understand that things happen even when people say they won't, or even when they're not supposed to.

It's true that the worst feeling in the world is trying your best at something and realizing it still wasn't good enough. But I think that just maybe, it isn't all my fault. Because you didn't love me. Or maybe you just didn't want to be alone. Or maybe I was just good for your ego. Or maybe I just made you feel better for a little while. But you didn't love me. You can't destroy the person that you love.

But before you start feeling sorry for me, remember that I have a million constellations in my mind and stars that sparkle like diamonds imprinted on my heart. I have fire raging within my arteries and flowers planted between my ribs. I have loved once and I will love again, and God, do I know what heartbreak is. But I hold everything within the universe inside of myself..

And I do not need you to complete me.