LA, baby! Land of palm trees, movie stars and BODACIOUS BABES! I’m #blessed to hail from this sunshine wonderland, and when I landed in LAX (that’s the Los Angeles airport, ya doofs!) last week, I knew – this is a place where dreams come true. This is where I can be the best possible me.
Los Angeles! The City of Angels! If you want to go into literally any field this is the ONLY PLACE 2 B! Be here or be square you non-coastal nerds! Relocate your near-constant sense of dread and loneliness to the Sunshine State, baby!
Right now I live in Chicago, where I spend most of my time reading useless things on the Internet! But for a few weeks every year, I like to come out to LA so I can read useless things on the Internet and also eat tacos! Hang 10, broseph!
When you grow up in LA, you already know all the cool places to see and things to do in this big ol’ city. So when I come back to visit, I can tell which neighborhoods have been gentrified because they’re suddenly filled with new bookstores and cafés I want to check out! Am I part of the problem? Who knows! Probably! It’s a fun game to play while driving past places that bring back memories of good times I’ve had with people I don’t talk to anymore! Gnarly!!
When I’m in Chicago, I only feel like crying SOMETIMES. But when I’m in LA, I feel like crying MOST OF THE TIME! That’s called consistency, my dudes! Surf’s up!
Sure, people like to complain about the LA traffic, but honestly? I love driving! Nothing beats cruising around with the windows down, playing music that you thought would sound cool in the context of driving but feeling hollow and disappointed because you’re so focused on what you’re playing that you can’t really enjoy the experience! And don’t even get me STARTED on my constant anxiety about getting in a car crash! I guess I’m just a modern Cher Horowitz (from the 1995 comedy film "Clueless" set in Los Angeles)!
Last time I was in Los Angeles my dog bit my hand and I had to go to the emergency room! That’s how we do it in Cali, ya goofy chumps!
Wanna hear something REAL bodacious? When I’m in Chicago I miss LA, but then as soon as I get to LA I wish I could go back to Chicago! It’s almost like I’m perpetually dissatisfied due to my own unreasonable expectations!
BEACH BOYS BREAK!
Sorry if my tales of sun-soaked life in Los Angeles made y’all jealous AF, but if this sounds like your cup of herbal tea, don’t worry: LA is here to stay. (Until we all die from the draught or an earthquake detaches us from the rest of the country and we float into the ocean.)
