I honestly think it is kind of funny when I hear the same exact people complain about how men "suck." Sometimes I wonder if my distaste towards that way of thinking comes from my biases. I mean, I was raised by a rockstar of a father, have the most supportive brother out there, and throughout my life, have always been blessed with very close guy friends. Maybe they made me believe that there are good guys out there.
Yet, and quite frankly, I am sure that the quality of a person does not stem from their gender.
It is true that I have been wronged by men before but I have been wronged by women in the exact same respect. What is it about the whole frame of dating that seems to displace a thing or two? It seems that there is a grand lack of ‘good guys’. I actually think this could not be further from the truth.
Look, if you are looking to buy a desk in a shoe store, you’ll probably leave the shoe store unhappy every single time. Even when you finally get the hint and go to a furniture store to buy your desk, if what you need is a desk that holds all your many belongings, or one with many drawers, but you go for the smaller, much nicer looking cherry-wood desk instead, I do not think you get to complain about having to keep the rest of your things on the floor.
In the exact same respect, if you are constantly looking for the guy who is the best looking, has the nicest things, takes you nicest places, and has a given career trajectory that is attractive to you. Why were you under the impression these features would equate to him being a good guy? It is like comparing apples and oranges or shoes and furniture. They are incomparable concepts; the presence of one will never instigate the presence of the other.
Hence, where you look for what you are looking for is directly associated with what you will get. I think it is a worthwhile consideration to wonder if the features you attribute value to are ones that are actually valuable.
You know, most girls have a standard or a premise of their reasoning that may push them to say yes to going on a date, or perhaps no. Maybe, it is the nature of the conversation they have with the guy; maybe it is his car; maybe it is the way he physically looks; or, maybe she is known to give assholes the benefit of the doubt. I am suggesting is that maybe those premises or standards should be re-worked.
It’s truthfully really hard for me to overlook the ambiguity present in the concept of a ‘good guy’, but for the sake of discussing a practical matter, let’s just say that a good guy is one that respects you as a human being and supports your individualized endeavors.
On the surface, a guy being ‘good’ is not going to be enough to indicate that he is the “one”—or at least, I do not think so. But, I think it is a good place to start. Or, even if it is not where you start, it is a good, fixed, standard to have.
Maybe then, you are the kind of girl who is attracted to some (arguably) distorted features of a person. Maybe, you even acknowledge this. I think, more than that being completely fine, it is human. That is not to say you should not wait for signs of whether or not this guy you find attractive is also a good guy as these two things are completely different issues.
He may be a good guy, but not the good guy that is attractive to you. Him being attractive to you will NEVER make him a good guy though. Proceed with caution ladies. Do not confused one thing for another, as ‘goodness’ and ‘attraction’ ought to be deciphered in their own respects.