Get ready, I’ve got some real raw and honest information for you. I don’t like to express my feelings on the internet on a regular basis. Well, that’s a false statement. If I didn’t like to express my feelings on the internet, I wouldn’t have all the social media platforms I do. What I’ve trying to say is that I don’t ever get this raw and real. I need to be this raw and real with you guys as I do with myself. At around 10:36 last night, I had a bunch of thoughts. Usually, I just disregard them and try to go to sleep, but this kept me up. I wrote them in a note on my phone as a note to myself to get back to it later and write more if I feel so compelled. Then I decided to post it in an article. If I’m feeling like this, I’m sure some of you are feeling it too. So here it is, my 10:36pm thoughts:
“I’ve had this strange feeling lately. I couldn’t put my finger on it for the longest time. Now I’ve finally figured it out. Lately, I’ve been feeling not good enough, but in a different way. Normally, when we say that, we’re not feeling good enough for the world and don’t have enough to offer the world. But this feeling for me is different. I’ve been feeling like I have more to offer the world than what I’m doing right now. I have more to offer the world, but I’m not putting in the effort.
There has been a couple weeks where I’ve been feeling mediocre at best. Even though I have two jobs, family, boyfriend, and a little social life; I still don’t feel like I’m offering enough to the world?! What is this? Maybe there’s something missing. Maybe I need a little more Jesus than what I already have. Let’s be honest, everyone could use a little more Jesus. I’ve used all five of my senses to feel things, taste things, smell things, see things, and listen to things, but nothing is leaving me fulfilled. Because of the world we live in today, we’re always looking for that next big thing that will fulfill us. I’m constantly checking my phone for messages from people, scrolling through Facebook and Twitter for any kind of interaction. But when people do message me or interact with me, it takes all my energy just to talk to them. Maybe I need to talk this through with someone other than myself. Like on a couch, with a therapist.
How can I feel more validated in the world? How can I feel that I am putting forth all my energy into everything this world has to offer? Maybe I am feeling burnt out. Have I overwhelmed myself with too much? I know I need to take care of myself better and learn how to actually relax. My idea of relaxing is sitting on the couch, but still scrolling through my phone, mentally making my work to-do list for the next day or week, or just having anxious thoughts of me falling down that flight of steps. Hopefully, I’ll learn something. Maybe I’ll get a self-help book, but like I read anymore?! I have a lot of thoughts. I need to go to sleep…”
There are my thoughts. Honest, raw, and right there. Let me know if you have or are currently feeling this way. I’ll talk it through with you together. Self-care and talking to others about your problems are so important. Please seek someone if you need help. I’m trying to get feedback on this feeling with several of my friends and family members.
