In today's world we get so caught up with everything having to be perfect. Our weight, our relationships, our GPA... it's mentally and physically exhausting. Though I will be the first to come clean and say that I myself am far from having it all figured out, this year did bring some insight that has led me on the right path. For years I've made excuses for people, for myself and for the things that I simply could not change. "I'm fine" and "it's OK" have been typical responses when inside I'm really falling apart. Here's my reminder to myself now and in the future that things may seem kind of bumpy now but to just keep going.
If it's one thing I have come to terms with it's that putting your needs on the back burner is never the answer and it's not the end of the world to admit that you need some help. Shit can get kind of messed up sometimes. If you're feeling overwhelmed, reach out to a friend and ask for that extra push. Even just a motivational speech from your best friend or significant other can mean so much. Some of my biggest regrets have involved wearing myself thin for people who just flat out didn't deserve anything from me. You don't have to do all of the work. Let people love you and help take care of you. If you surround yourself with negative people who can't help you grow, then it's not helping you out in the long run. It's as simple as that.
Now, don't let the saying "it's OK to not be OK" give you more reasons to make excuses for yourself. The only way that things will get better is if you're willing to change. Swallowing my pride is just as difficult as forcing a child to eat vegetables: they'll put up a fight before admitting defeat. The first step is actually reaching out for someone, but after that, it's easy. I've pushed people away one too many times because I just didn't want to be a bother to them. A year later and I still question how my best friends and boyfriend can love me endlessly at the end of the day after witnessing a panic attack of mine.The only way you're going to change is if you learn to let others in and help you, and you'll regret it one day if you don't. A new year is approaching, which is a perfect excuse to have a fresh start.
When I was a teenager, all I wanted was to be in my twenties. I thought, "everything will be better then," and I believed that I would have it all figured out. Well, at 22 years old, what I'm figuring out now is that I don't have it all together. It's not always roses and butterflies and more times than not, it's not really any better either. However, things have become a bit more clear since I was a naive 17 year old. The sadness, anxiety and self-hatred diminish a little every day. But you want to know the biggest thing that I've come to realize in my twenties.... is that it's all OK. It's OK to tell someone "No, I'm actually not fine." It's OK if your GPA isn't a solid 4.0, and it's OK if one day you wake up thinking, "What the hell am I doing with my life?" This semester has been a roller coaster of emotions, but as 2015 is winding down, I'm finally seeing the bigger picture; a better me is coming. She's on her way, and that my friends, is what's 100 percent "OK."
