Birthdays; basically the one day of the year you get to be a total brat and no one says anything to you. Well, that is until you hit adulthood. Adult birthdays are full of “what am I doing with my life?” related questions and getting free appetizers from your favorite restaurant apps. Sitting here staring at the clock, waiting for it to tick to midnight makes me think about where I was this time last year. This might take a minute.

Let’s start fresh, I’m Liz. I lived a very happy suburban lifestyle, once upon a time ago, before I realized that life in your 20s isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Now let’s not get too negative here, I love the idea of getting married, and having babies, and living on a little farm out in the country with a white picket fence with a banging job and a new ride out in the drive. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen for me. After almost 6 years with someone, I found myself single and heartbroken. To add insult to injury, I totaled out my new car. I moved back home with my parents. The only friends I had were my sister and my dog. Then my sister moved 2,000 miles away. I hit rock bottom and the rightful age of 21. Realizing that after half a decade with someone my life came to a halt and did a complete 360 and there was nothing on God’s green one that I could do to stop it except learn to deal with it. So this is my story. This is what I learned dealing with my first crisis, my first big “L” on the scoreboard of life. This is what I learned in the last year about life, love, and the pursuit of what makes me happy.

1. Not everything you plan will go as you think.

Sometimes you have to change your plans. I always thought that I would be graduating and heading off to medical school to save the lives of millions of people. I never imagined that college would have taken me 4 years to decide that I wanted to change my back to the first thing I chose as a freshman. My friends are getting married, graduating, and having babies, and I’m still hoping that I will have that “ah hah” moment and decide on a career. But, here I am making jokes about my indecisiveness.

2. I am beautiful in my own way.

I am nowhere near a size 00. Let’s be frank, I’m plus sized. I am not saddened by this. I learned to love myself. But there were days that I felt terrible about myself. There were days where I replayed those mean words that someone I truly cared about told me on the daily. Those words like “fat” or the fact that I went so long without hearing the person I adored to call me “pretty” in any possible way. I learned that just because I’m not a size 00, doesn’t mean I can’t find someone that appreciates me. I am beautiful.

3. Tomorrow will come.

One year ago, I woke up to heartbreak like something I had never experienced. I physically hurt. I mentally was destroyed. Studying anatomy I knew my heart was continuously beating, but knowing my heart, I knew it was cold, still, and broken. Funny thing is, after months of doing nothing but crying to my dog with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and a bottle of wine…the sun still came up. Every morning I would wake up to a new jumble of emotions on Facebook seeing pictures and statuses about happy couples, constantly checking my phone for an apology, and as a result, constantly feeling sorry for myself for not getting one. But, every morning the sun was still there and I did like any adult would do; cried in the shower, fixed a bowl Captain Crunch, and went on about my day. A year ago, I didn’t feel like I was getting anywhere without someone being there. Today, I love sleeping alone. I don’t feel sorry for myself because this past year didn’t work out the way I planned. Life went on.

4. Dating is rigged.

Granted, I started dating my longest relationship when I was 15 years old. But, I have learned that dating is hard. Expectations are much different. Life is much more complicated than it was in high school. The days of worrying about prom are over and now we have to worry about “will he make a good father?” or “does he have any goals?”. The truth is, I have seen the best and the worst in the last year. I have moved on and met what many believed was the perfect man, and he was absolutely amazing…for someone else. It was like me trying to squeeze into a size 4 jeans; it’s not going to happen in anyone’s dream. Maybe it was me, but most likely (definitely) it was him, either way, it didn’t work. I have gone on bad date after bad date. I have been out with “Mr. Doesn’t Do Commitment”, “Mr. My Job Is The Most Important Thing in My Life”, and of course, “Mr. Liar”, “Mr. Cheater”, and “Mr. Clingy”. All of which led to a dead end. Truth is, there is nothing wrong with dating to see what you like. But there is something wrong when you try to force happiness when it isn’t there. I learned that sometimes, even though it seems nice, doesn’t mean you can push for things to work. If it doesn’t click, it doesn’t. I learned that even if I think he’s perfect, doesn’t mean he feels the same. Dating is rigged for those who know how to play the game well. And, let’s be honest…I suck.

5. I’m ready.

A year ago I was ready to start a family, and get married, and live out my days happy and settled. Key word: Settled. In the last year I have learned that I am done settling. I am done working the low paying job just because it’s easy. I am done sitting back and taking criticism for the fact that I don’t look like or act like that girl in the office. I am done waiting for Mr. Right. I am done waiting for the world to change. I am ready to do it all myself. I’m ready to graduate, move on, and change the world one patient at a time. I am ready to embrace my inner voice and confidence in both the way I look and the way that I feel about things. I’m ready to no longer take second place to someone else in a relationship just to keep the peace. I am ready to try new things. I am ready to go out and make things happen by myself, for myself.

So as I sit down to read my “happy birthday” posts on Facebook, I look back on my 21st year. Yeah, my life did a complete flip. And yes, it did feel like having the worst hangover of my life for several months. Here’s the truth…relationships are hard. Growing up is hard. I am far from perfect and I like it that way. I never pictured my life would be this way. I never pictured that the girl I grew apart from in high school would help pick me up and become my best friend. I never pictured that my sister would be my biggest supporter and personal hero. I never pictured I could be happy sleeping alone. But, thanks to the worst breakup of my life, bad date after bad date, and changing my major too many times to count; alongside the greatest friends I could ever have, the best memories made, late nights, bad karaoke car trips, and hilarious Snapchat stories, this year was one of the best.

Year 21 was a wild ride, and I know 22 will be just a memorable. Life happens. You’re going to fall on your face; some days are going to feel like you’re the big bully kid getting pushed down on the playground by the girl with pig tails in front of your friends. Not every date is going to lead to holy matrimony. Not every selfie you post will have the right lighting. Take a chance. Ask the hot guy in the bookstore café out. Apply to that dream job. Travel to a new place. Whatever it is, remember your 20s are part of a game. Experience embarrassment, have fun, or embrace the rough patches, either way, it sure beats the hell out of sitting on the bench. So, if you relate to anything like I have ranted about recently, congratulations on starting your own year for the record books.